Complete Private Western Brisshal Stern Talking-To

[Ash Vargold]

Of the many new players Ash had welcomed and warned into Terrasphere, Erick was one of the more memorable. His question - could I be a hero too? - haunted his thoughts every time he saw the name on his friend list. Ash did his best to ground the man, to make sure he took the game seriously.

And then the next time Ash saw him, Erick died.

And then the next time Ash saw him, Erick died.

It was with mixed feelings that Ash's finger hovered over the lit-up name signifying that one Erick Stryker was online. Relief that he was still alive. Anger that he was still playing.

Mail

Erick,

Good to see you're still alive.

We should catch up. When will you be around Falderen next?

---

It was only the foolish and desperate that risked crossing the border on the roads through Brisshal. But the desperate were plentiful in Szofrit's aftermath, and so this particular border crossing had developed into an encampment against the forest's dangers. Crude wooden barricades pointed outwards, stained by old assaults, while tents within housed the few guards that still protected this border.

It was those guards that eyed the well-dressed Caenis standing at the gate, cleaning his sword on the pelt of a freshly killed wolf. The world had been reminded of a Starcalled's danger, but Ash had reminded these specific Landers of that same fact. They had no way of knowing if his casual lethality would be next pointed their way.

Ash was aware of the fearful gazes at his back, but all his thoughts were focused more on the dead creature at his feet. Weirdly aggressive, he mused, nudging the creature with his boot. Wonder what set it off...

He'd directed Erick to meet him at this particular crossing specifically to avoid the tense attentions of the other crossings, and the familiarity of a certain beastfolk at another one. It was slightly more dangerous, but... well...

...it was dangerous and Ash hoped that he wouldn't be the person that caused Erick to take his final death. But he could handle some forest beasts, right?

The growing rattle of his heartbeat disagreed.

Ash hoped Erick would show up soon.

@Erick Stryker

 

[Erick Stryker]

If not me, then someone else.

It was with that thought that Erick thrust himself into harm's way, drawing the attention- and damnably, the wrath- of another person. He was willing to make that sacrifice, to protect others at the cost of one of his lives, but more importantly, to prevent the woman behind those frigid eyes from bearing an even greater sin. His death meant one more chance, whereas there was no way of knowing who was at that final death.

No way of knowing if someone who he would have allowed to die would never see their friends, loved ones, or families again. It was a price he was willing to pay because Erick- Jimmy- had weighed those things. He had nothing left outside of this world. He was slowly succumbing to the reality that Jimmy had nothing left, while Erick- Erick still had the chance to be something.

To be someone.

A message from the first person he had met in this world brought back a thought he'd once had. As he looked over Ash's message, Erick recalled those words.

Could I be a hero, too?

The wisdom of Tyldr still burned in his subconscious, touched by the fire that spurred him not to die for nothing. The gods value action. What was a hero if not someone who, when faced with a dangerous decision, took action?

Mail

Ash!

I wasn't expecting to hear from you, I haven't seen you around in a while. I'd love to catch up. I'm not too far from Falderen after my trip into Hylands, so I can make a detour to stop by.

It was a more enthusiastic message than he expected to send, given how dark his thoughts had grown lately, but in the darkest part of the night, it was his duty to shine the brightest. He'd sworn to do something along those lines, after all, hadn't he?

What he found more strange, though, was that upon entering what was a new player hub during his last visit, he found a bulwark. Sharpened lumber fashioned into makeshift barricades, strategically placed to create a wall with two points of entry, separated in the middle, with a single and narrow passage into Brisshal itself. Checkpoint, he wagered. It looked like they intended to funnel enemies who attempted to breach the zone into a killbox, and upon glancing over the fortifications, the sight of archers standing poised to fire all but confirmed his anxiety.

"Almost like they're ready for war." He disliked the implications of his own words. Prior to the battle with the Machines, Falderen and Astorea enjoyed a tenuous peace. This felt like anything but. It was fair. Erick had virtually abandoned Astorea after tasting their lack of compassion and willingness to delve deep into the morally grey areas to achieve their goals, finding only bitterness in the revelations.

He hadn't expected the tension to drive this immense of a wedge between the two nations.

When he saw Ash, he breathed a sigh of relief for something familiar. "Looks like they've been expecting company," he said by way of greeting. "And me without a gift for our hosts. Friends of yours, I hope?" he asked, glancing down at the corpse of a wolf. It was interesting, the juxtaposition of a lupine creature against... Ash Vargold, a Caenis in his own right.

@Ash Vargold

 

[Ash Vargold]

Ash couldn't help but perk up at Erick's arrival. How could he not, when his heart beat friend in his presence? His attention fell away from the wolf as he raised a hand and smiled. "Yo."

The smile dropped away quickly as Erick drew attention to the fortifications around them. "Things have gotten," Ash paused with a click of his tongue. "Complicated."

A gross understatement, but it was as good a starting point as any. "The Lander exodus meant more people in Brisshal, and more people in Brisshal meant more opportunities for hungry monsters. Add in the general... disdain for our sort pitching in, and you end up with that."

Ash turned towards the guardhouse. One of the guards actually squeaked before ducking out of sight. He turned back with a sigh and a helpless shrug. "They won't bother us, but they won't help us either."

A blessing and a curse. Ash didn't realize how he'd grown used to interacting with Landers until they wanted nothing to do with him. He slid his blade back into his sheathe and tilted his head towards the camp. "There's a little seating area inside the walls where we can chat. If we're lucky, they might even sell us something to eat."

@Erick Stryker​

 

[Erick Stryker]

"Complicated," he repeated the word, not quite sure the gravitas fit the situation, but he gave his friend the benefit of the doubt. Yeah, complicated was fair enough, he supposed.

If they weren't going to be attacked by the guardsmen, it wasn't much worse than "complicated."

"Geopolitik, whether we wanted it or not," Erick smirked. His quip came gently, breaking through the clear tension that Ash's explanation left in its wake. "Guess even this world's got its share of warring states."

He gave a shrug.

"No use standing around out here," he said with another quick glance to the corpse nearby. He was not in quite the mood to meet its friends. "And a meal sounds pretty good right now, to be honest," he added when the other man inferred there might be a willing vendor.

They shuffled through the barricades and toward an isolated sitting area, away from the tents. It felt like the soldiers were giving it a wide berth from only a quick look, which made sense given the information that Ash had relayed earlier.

Erick seized the opportunity to slide a chair out from under a table, spin it around, and take a seat with the back of it under his folded arms. He leaned forward and prompted the Beastman to join him with a vague gesture of the hand.

"I didn't hang out for the fallout after the Machines were bested. It wasn't the greatest time in the world for me, and all the negativity that surrounded it... well."

He shrugged again. "I suppose it was going to happen whether I hung around or not."

@Ash Vargold

 

[Ash Vargold]

"Politics, paranoia... I've heard there's even an anti-player cult running around now."

Ash returned one wave with another before ducking towards one of the tents. The man in the kitchen didn't make eye contact, but made no motion to stop Ash as he helped himself to the simmering stewpot of who-knew-what.

"There's a fresh wolf by the gate. In case you want it.

The clink of coins followed, and he returned to the table, setting down two bowls of uncomfortably grey-looking gruel.

"I stopped playing after that fight, too. It was all a bit much." Another obvious understatement. "By the time I logged back in, Camp Hope was Tertorian and Falderen had already gone full anti-magitech.

The food wasn't great, even by Ash's in-game standards. But it filled his stomach, and it was something to shut him up while he waited for Erick's response. The beastman's tension was palpable, penetrating even the eldritch calm that he normally possessed.

It was very hard to not just let loose on Erick.

@Erick Stryker

 

[Erick Stryker]

"A cult?" Erick repeated, unable to resist letting out a guffaw. "Wow, it really does feel just like the real world." It was hardly actually funny, perhaps, unless you framed it in a very morbid, very bleak perspective. Like Erick's. People chose Terrasphere as an escape from reality. As ill-advised as that might be, it didn't offer much in the way of relief from the hustle and bustle. Whether it was a world threatening evil, or just some annoying, somewhat dangerous group of ruffians, there was always something to keep things interesting.

Not at all calm.

Erick sighed. Ash was clearly under the impression that they had both stopped playing Terrasphere, and it was probably better that he correct him sooner than later. Miscommunications could be brutal. "Oh, I didn't stop logging in," he said, glancing down at the food that was prepared for them... if it could even be called that. Granted, he'd had some pretty awful slop in his time. Without much enthusiasm for the meal, the blue haired boy lifted it toward his lips and sniffed at it. "...honestly, I might have logged out once or twice to eat, do the necessary stuff, but I've been pretty constantly plugged in."

The revelation was one he hadn't shared with anyone. Erick had virtually gone off the grid, both inside the game and out. His gaze was distant, always watching something that no one else could see. His thoughts were always distant and in the moment in paradox. Even when he looked up at Ash and smiled, it was like he was haunted by something far behind the man. Or perhaps it was in front of him? Erick's pupils flickered and he blinked.

"Tertorian, huh?" he muttered. "Didn't expect that, but I guess I didn't know much about them. Falderen though... can't say I didn't see that one."

He placed the spoon in his mouth and tried to savor whatever taste the gruel had to offer, but it just seemed... sticky. Thick. Bland. His expression shifted, not so much disgust as disappointment.

"Or that one," he sighed again.

@Ash Vargold

 

[Ash Vargold]

"...ah. I see."

Oh, it was so very hard to not lay into Erick. But a shouting match wouldn't help anyone. Instead, Ash turned his attention to the gruel, trying to focus on what was tolerable about it instead of what was bad. If he tried, he could imagine he could taste the traces of whatever meat had been tossed into the pot.

"The Hylands, huh?" Ash paused between mouthfuls of food, waiting for the moment the incessant reminder of this avatar's needs stopped bothering him. "...alone, I guess?"

Okay, that particular disappointment was impossible to hold back. "And with two deaths under you belt? Not what I would call a good idea." Ash, it seemed, was a master of understatement. He looked down at his spoon and half-finished bowl, and decided that even his hunger wasn't enough to justify continuing to eat it.

Unfortunately, that meant there was only the conversation to focus on, and the knowledge that he couldn't show any weakness in his stance...

"...you really should start being more careful. You can't take death lightly anymore." Not that one ever could in Terrasphere, but it was a bit late for that. Ash leaned forward on the table, gloved hands steepled in front of his face as he made eye contact. "I won't ask what your life's like out of the game. But dying is a very permanent solution to what might be a solvable problem."

@Erick Stryker

 

[Erick Stryker]

Nail on the head.

Ash asked if he'd gone alone, but it may as well have been rhetorical. Erick had distanced himself from anyone and everyone, in game or otherwise. He went to explore more of the world, to better understand the dangers that faced them. He wanted to learn about what lay ahead, so that he could better protect everyone.

In the end, of course, Ash was right. How could he protect anyone if he himself was dead? Erick knew that.

"And with two deaths under you belt? Not what I would call a good idea."

Those words should have stung more than they did. Yeah, it had been an ill-conceived notion, but it ended up working out. He'd met members of the various Beastfolk tribes, he'd helped keep a woman from dying in childbirth... all of the good that came from it made it hard to feel like what he'd done was wrong.

"...you really should start being more careful. You can't take death lightly anymore."

Had he ever taken it lightly, though? The young man knew full well the danger, the chance that he would never see anyone again outside of Terrasphere. He knew that was true for him, and for everyone else. And he knew that there were already people who never would.

In that infinite chain of possibilities and lost futures, Erick had seen the fate of the man who had been mangled by DEAD.naught. Rapidly he was devoured, all paths leading into an Oblivion worse than simply dying. There was only one world where he was not simply another part of Szofrit's war machine.

A world of Erick's own manufacture.

This world.

He let out a soft sigh, understanding that his friend was only worried for him. That was well, in all honesty. It was the way that people should be.

I won't ask what your life's like out of the game. But dying is a very permanent solution to what might be a solvable problem.

Erick had only a smile to offer at the notion that 'things might get better.' Aye, they could. It might take years of his life for someone to care, or feel bad for him and take pity, or for some stroke of luck.

The reality was, Jimmy had run out of hope.

Erick was nothing but hope.

"You know," he said, running a hand through his hair. "I had a run in with someone who had pretty similar things to say when I almost got myself killed," he said vaguely, not referring to which time.

Because he knew Ash wouldn't be thrilled to hear that there were more times.

"Actions. Not sacrifices," he muttered, reminding himself once more of Tyldr's chastisement.

"I'm not going out of my way to die," he said honestly, whether to Tyldr or to Ash, it seemed like the point would make its way across. "I'm just... not afraid to."

@Ash Vargold

 

[Ash Vargold]

"...not afraid to die..?"

Ash was not a therapist. He didn't want to try to be a therapist. He could tell Erick was brushing off his words, because she would have done the same, once. But Ash wouldn't let that stop him from shouting into the void, hoping something would reach the other side.

His gaze flicked sideways as he tried to find the words. Some desperate part of Ash hoped that maybe if he just found the right words, that he could fashion them into an argument that could pierce Erick's defenses. The more realistic part of him knew that sort of epiphany was the stuff of fantasy.

Escapism was insidious, and Terrasphere had it honed to deadly sharpness. Erick had found it better to fall on its blade than to continue suffering the alternative.

What was that quote, again? Something about the fear of the fall versus the terror of the flames...?

Ash closed his eyes before letting his forehead drop onto his clasped hands. He took a deep breath, ears pinned back, and let his attention stray to the thump of his heart. He had to remind himself Erick wasn't an enemy to be defeated in verbal conflict. Erick was a...

...

...well, maybe Erick wasn't a friend, but he was someone that, at this point in time, occupied the spotlight of Ash's genuine sympathy.

Tha-thump. Tha-thump. Tha-thump...

"...did they at least treat you well, up in the Hylands?" Ash straightened from his hunched position, back into his more typical proper posture. He still wasn't quite making eye contact, but the intensity was gone. "Seems like the average Lander would rather get eaten by a bear than get helped by a player right now."

Whatever or whoever had surfaced had sunk beneath the waves once more, taking her furious concern with it.

@Erick Stryker

 

[Erick Stryker]

"No," the answer was honest, quick, and brutal. There were very few people in the world right now outside of Astorea who felt good things toward Players, let alone outsiders from their own culture. He'd made a few waves and managed to earn the respect of a few of the Beastfolk, but their trust? He doubted if he'd gotten anywhere close to that. "no, can't say there was anyone who was happy to see me."

That entire experience had taken the wind out of his sails many times. It was a constant reminder now that even if you have the best of intentions, people will still treat you like dirt and walk over you if they don't like you.

There was genuine frustration and turmoil born from that, too. He'd grown out of the man who just accepted it and into someone who wanted to do something about it. Now that he couldn't...

Erick took another spoonful of tasteless muck and forced it down. "I'm pretty sure the reasons for that were different than they are in Astorea or Falderen, though. There might be a few of them, but for the most part, I think that the beastfolk up there just don't trust people that they haven't known for a long time."

He considered that for a moment. "I definitely did get to meet a few who were fleeing Astorea, though. They seemed thoroughly disinterested in getting to know me, or letting me stick around at all. Some of them have a genuine disdain toward the nation for forcing them out of their ancestral lands."

His thoughts moved toward the woman who had carved a stone with her fiery claw for him at his request. Her motives were questionable, but of course, Erick had taken the stance that one had to show faith to receive it. He could still feel faint heat in his pocket where the trinket pulsed with a feverish heart. His gaze moved once more to Ash, who genuinely seemed to care about the things he said, and whether he lived or died.

More than his parents did, obviously.

"I guess the short answer is that everyone around us hates us, and we shouldn't expect too much help going forward."

@Ash Vargold

 

[Ash Vargold]

Ash listened to Erick's words with increasing discomfort. Disapproval of his choices aside, he had at least hoped that there was something out there to give him the mental reprieve he clearly needed.

"I don't know too much about the Hylands. I only went up there for that festival, and... well, I'm not actually caenis, so..." Ash trailed off. He was rambling, and he shook his head as he brought his attention back to Erick. "Anyway... they'd probably be standoffish to anyone."

Ash vaguely considered the gruel in front of him, and then Erick trying to force it down. He usually tried not to care about how food tasted, but watching the man across from him struggle with both his life and his dinner was just a bit much.

"...here, maybe this'll help." Ash dug into his jacket and pulled out a waxed paper sack. The smell of salted meat made his mouth water as soon as he opened it, but he held it out to Erick instead. "The powdered bits are basically meat-flavored salt, if you think about it."

With the back of jerky sadly out of reach, he turned back to the conversation. "That's a way of looking at things, but it's not only that negative."

Rap rap rap went Ash's fingers on the table as he continued. "The Landers leaving are the ones that are the most angry and scared, but there's just as many staying to rebuild things. Falderen calls itself a safe haven, but some people moved to Astorea for a reason."

The tapping of Ash's fingers stopped as he looked back to Erick. "Did you stop by Finweald on the way here? They were working hard on rebuilding when I passed through."

@Erick Stryker

 

[Erick Stryker]

Erick glanced at the jerky and smiled. This was unexpected- jerky was a commonly found snack where he'd grown up, all kinds of it- from deer to beef and even bison, on rare occasion. It wasn't something he got often anymore, and he was bound and determined to enjoy it.

"Wow, thanks man," he said as he graciously accepted the salty treat. With an enthusiastic bite, he smiled brightly when the salty flavor rolled over his tongue. "Ah man... that's the good stuff. I wasn't expecting anyone to be carrying this around here. What kind is it? Beef? Pork?" It wasn't quite seasoned like anything he'd had before, and he was all about the newfound flavor.

That's a way of looking at things, but it's not only that negative. The Landers leaving are the ones that are the most angry and scared, but there's just as many staying to rebuild things

"Oh, absolutely. They don't know they're programs. All of this is all that they know. These are real lives, flesh and blood or not. So fear is just kind of a natural and completely fair response." It made no sense if you hadn't been in Terrasphere for an extended period. Both of these men had. Still, he wagered that Ash didn't much like the idea of assigning any sense of humanity to AI. Most people didn't. "It's good to hear that some of them are willing to show good faith," he mused, smiling.

Did you stop by Finweald on the way here? They were working hard on rebuilding when I passed through.

"I didn't," Erick confessed. "Until you reached out, I was doing some soul searching and inadvertently isolating myself. I think I found what I was looking for, though. I've been trying to protect others, but in doing so, I've been throwing myself haphazardly into harm's way."

He took a breath. "I know there's plenty of people here who can help me, and that I don't have to go it alone, but I want to be strong. I'm trying to become strong enough to fight, not just sacrifice myself. I'm no good to anyone dead."

It occurred to him it didn't sound convincing. He wouldn't have been convinced in Ash's shoes.

"Really, though. I'm not afraid to die, but that doesn't mean I want to."

@Ash Vargold

 

[Ash Vargold]

"I always have some kind of snack handy, to be honest. Caenis metabolism is a nightmare to manage." He instinctively sniffed the air and immediately looked embarrassed before muttering, "Boar, pretty sure."

It was the last thing he said before he let Erick say his piece... or at least, claimed to say his piece. Ash pinned back his ears, tapping his fingers to the increasingly discordant rhythm of his heart. It was obvious that Ash found something disagreeable in his words, but what...?

Tap-t-t-tap-t-tap...

"And are you saying that because you genuinely believe it, or because you think that's what I want to hear?"

Thud.

Ash cut off his own nervous tick with a sudden slam of his hand. I have to make him understand warred with He has to make the choice himself, and it was increasingly difficult to keep the internal conflict internal. It felt like if this went any further something was going to tear apart-

Breathe in. Breathe out. There'd be time to process later.

"But... if you're looking to make an impact, you can do a lot of good here in the main zones. Both for players and Landers." He stood briefly, long enough to grab Erick's abandoned bowl and stack it in his own. No reason to pretend they were going to eat it when there was better food available. "I've been trying to funnel players away from Falderen, myself, but I'm sure you can figure something out yourself."

Back to normal. Or at least as normal as things could be, if Erick had paid any attention to the erratic motions of a man that seemed ready to burst.

"I'm going to take these back. Unless you want seconds?"

@Erick Stryker

 

[Erick Stryker]

How many times had he seen it now? Divergent paths, moments in time where a single step meant the end of his own life? It wasn't like coming within a breath of the end during a dream where you simply woke up because your brain couldn't process it. No, he completely comprehended the fate every single time the road forked.

Impaled. Shot through the head, dying instantly. Cut to ribbons by a faster, skilled swordsman. Crushed beneath the weight of a behemoth that completely outclassed him in strength. Other, more horrific ways, and some that made him feel like several versions of himself had been destined for it from birth. Very few of them were ever warnings. He had some proficiency in precognition, at least enough to be aware if something was a threat to his life. No- they were simply echoes of futures that would never exist.

And are you saying that because you genuinely believe it, or because you think that's what I want to hear?

Truthfully? It sounded like something Erick would do. Always worried about others more than himself, always looking to make someone else comfortable even in his own discomfort. But that didn't feel like whatever this was. He watched the man's expression for a moment, noted the pace at which his fingertips played their staccato.

The slamming of his hand jarred the Chronomancer just a little. It seemed unhinged, definitely uncharacteristic of Ash, who almost always came across as composed. Something had certainly struck a nerve. He looked up from the hand to the Caenis' eyes once more.

"I can relate to that. Worrying that there's someone you could save, haunted by the thought you might not."

The reality was that neither of them was necessarily equipped to save the people they wanted to. Erick wasn't sure he had the right words to reassure Ash. He had nothing substantial enough to ward off the nerves. The anxiety.

If you're looking to make an impact, you can do a lot of good here in the main zones. Both for players and Landers.

"It's been back and forth in my head since the second time," he said vaguely, referring to the number of deaths he'd suffered. "What happens when I run out of second chances? How many people do I save with a single sacrifice? Do I save anyone? Am I just running myself out of opportunities to actually help someone? Was it worth it?"

I hope it was.

He watched as Ash collected the bowls.

I'm going to take these back. Unless you want seconds?

"I'll pass, I'm stuffed," he said, forcing a grin. The heavens knew they could use something lighthearted to break the tension.

@Ash Vargold

 

[Ash Vargold]

Worrying that there's someone you could save, haunted by the thought you might not.

Like a certain list of names, the mark left by Terrasphere's only power over reality.​

What happens when I run out of second chances?

Erick was already out of second chances, but he no longer cared to realize that.
​

Was it worth it?
​

"You're the only one who can answer that one."

The bowls clinked and sloshed as Ash brought them to the tent. In reality, they didn't really care if the bowls were left on the tables. This place was all but barren, and they would have been picked up eventually.

But what returning the bowls gave Ash was a chance to get away.

Ash ducked out the far door of the tent, sheltering him from Erick's prying eyes. Thus shielded, he let out a shuddering breath and clutched at his chest. This wasn't a fight, Erick wasn't an enemy, and yet he couldn't shake the bone-deep truth that they stood on opposite sides of the debate

Alonealonealone, his heart sang, and no amount of effort was silencing it.

His hand hovered over the log-out option. If he ditched, it might scorch whatever fine tendrils of goodwill remained between the two. Ash might as well delete the name off the friends list himself if he did that.

But it was that versus the animal-like need to escape, using one power a player had that was worth a damn.

@Erick Stryker