Complete Private SO YOU THINK YOU CAN BOSS? [Minigame]

Plutopia

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As the voice pulls you in...

...You find yourself in a throne room as a voice booms.

You follow the voice to a floating magical teleprompter in the air...

...And there you see The King (wearing sunglasses).




How good of you to join me here in this dream.


Hear that rattling? In approximately two minutes you will be swarmed by a raiding party of the most pathetically odd starcalled to ever plague these lands. Which is all starcalled by the way.


Seem sudden? I wasn't even afforded the luxury of two minutes.


That's right, welcome, to the final moments of my life.


*The king lifts his sword.*


So, do you think you can keep up with me?


Then let's see what you can do.


...The king charges forward as the doors burst open.

The screen splits to show other contestants in their own throne rooms.

The raid has begun!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Rules:

-Roll Sword of Plot Implications to Attack. (7d10)
-View the enemy party's series of rolls for the round. (5d10)
-Compare each die roll 1-1.
-If your slotted number is the same or higher, you win against that player. +1 Score.
-If it's less, -1 HP.
-Rolling a 10 gives you +1 Hp.

Tips:
-Rearrange your die results as you see fit to win each clash.
-You may only use each die roll once.
-If you die, next round you can roll through all the waves back up to the current wave.
Basically start over and catch up!

Example:

You rolled 7d10 for your round's attack: (1,1,2,6, 7,5,10)

The Enemy Party attacks with 5d10 and rolls: (1,2,3,4,5)

You must overcome the Enemy Party's attack as efficiently as possible.

You rearrange your number sequence and clash:

You: 1 / 2 / 5 / 6 / 7

Enemy: 1 / 2/ 3 / 4 / 5

Your 1 and 2 tie, allowing you to win those clashes.

The rest of your numbers are greater so you win those too.

So, you manage to slay the entire enemy party! +5 Points!

****

King You-din Statblock

HP: 1

Attack:

Sword of Plot Implications: Shadow Hax:

-Roll 7d10.
-Each roll is one attack.
-Sort your attacks so you tie or beat the enemy number in each slot.
-You always have 2 more dicerolls than the enemy, use this to your advantage.
-Rolling a 10 gives you +1 Hp.
***
Enemy rolls = 5d10


Adventurers swarm! It's the first wave!

5d10 = (1 + 8 + 9 + 9 + 3)

Adventurers swarm! | Wave 1

Clash to beat: 1/ 8/ 9 / 9 / 3

<FIGHT!>

King T-Boss
Attack Order: 2 / 7/ 5/ 6/ 5/

HP: 0
Total Score: 1

Roll: 7d10 =
Roll Result

7d10 (5 + 6 + 4 + 2 + 7 + 4 + 5)
King Shiz | Wave 1


*The King dies instantly* Final Score, 1.



Attack Order: x / x/ x/ x/ x/
HP: 1
Total Score:
Roll: 7d10 =


@Dynamax @Luthien @Lune
 
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Lune

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Attack Order: 1/ 7/ 9/ 10/ 4/
HP: 1 + 1 - 1 = 1
Total Score: 5
Roll: 7d10 = (1 + 9 + 7 + 4 + 2 + 10 + 1) = 34



"How good of you to join me here in this dream." The sunglasses-wearing King spoke to them.

Another of those weird dreams. "Alright, thank you for explaining." Since none of this was real, Lune looked around to see what kind of shenanigans she was going to face this time. It's like someone chucked her into a series of minigames.

"So, do you think you can keep up with me?"


The King charged forward, as the teleprompter revealed others like her in other similar-looking throne rooms. At least there were others with her, and at least one was a recurring character in her mini-dream-game. Paying attention to it for one second longer, she noticed how the King quickly died after all that big talk.

"... Well," She locked eyes with the rushing group of adventurers, as her greatsword materialized. "Thankfully this is a dream, so I can swing recklessly."

 

Luthien

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Attack Order: 5 / 7 / 9 / 10 / 7
7d10 (3 + 7 + 9 + 10 + 4 + 7 + 5)
Total Score: 4​
+1 HP from D10
-1 HP from Wave 1




Something had forcefully tugged her consciousness away from the usual calm of the dream realm, plunging the elf into an adventure she hadn’t asked for… though that wasn’t what had irked Lúthien the most. The music that had assaulted her ears upon landing was wholly unexpected, and yet immensely fitting with each second that passed.

"Ugh, where’d you get these clothes… the seventeenth century?" Absolutely tasteless, overbearingly pompous, and the glasses that accompanied didn’t even match the rest of the ensemble. The booming welcome echoed within the chamber, earning an exaggerated eye roll from the elf before her focus shifted to the magical teleprompter high above.

Dude, no one wants a replay of your final moments. Unfortunately there wasn’t an opt-out option available, her attention quickly shifting to a sword resting by the side of her throne as the old man’s voice continued in the background. Overly adorned, and heavy as could be, Lúthien instantly knew it would do her no good… not in this shape, at least.

"He did say it’s all a dream…" She had nothing to lose by simply trying, and she’d need a better weapon to fend off the incoming riot storming down the halls. Her eyes glowed as she gathered detailed information from the item, the effect dissipating as her voice harnessed the attention of the sword. "You’re not my cup of tea, so I hereby command you to shift forms and become my bow."

For a moment nothing happened, and each second that ticked by caused her eyebrows to furrow as Lúthien glared towards the sword. Her tongue clicked in exasperation, and just when the elf was about to release her grip on the pommel—intending on finding something useful in this obscenely large throne room—a rush of magic flowed through the sword. "... that’s better, I guess." The bow that rested in her hands was still extremely ornate and heavier than it had any right to be, with an equally matching quiver filled to the brim with arrows.

She had little time to glance at the screen as it flashed away from the old man and to what she could only assume were other throne rooms, catching the familiar glimpse of long white hair, before the double doors of her chambers were forced open. "I wonder how much force this place can handle… only one way to find out~"

 
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Attack Order: 1 / 4/ 2/ 10/ 5/
HP: 1 + 1 - 1 - 1 = 0
Total Score: 3
Roll: 7d10 = 7d10 (5 + 4 + 2 + 4 + 2 + 1 + 10)


"Max, we need have some strategy!"



She insisted, but the monkey boy was stubborn. "Shut. UP!" He stomped the ground. "The strategy already exists, and it is simple. Hit them hard, and if they hit back, hit them harder!"

"If you hit them harder just like that, they will just hit you harder and harder, and things will keep getting as hard as a lead... Just look at the King!"



The fairy sighed, facepalming and shaking her head.

"The only hard thing here is your thick skull, Jade." He hissed, raising his jade-bladed sword. "The King died because he is the King of the Idiots. I will show you how different it will be for us."

Max declared as he charged in—


"EEEEK EEEEEK OOOOOOOOOOOOK!"
SiCW6Y5.png

The fight was fierce, and it didn't take long for him to be found face firsting the ground, with a big footprint marking his buttcheek, and a large bump growing on the top of his head.

"So you are supposed to be the prince or something..?"



Jade sighed, trying to drag Max away by his tail.
 

Plutopia

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]

A pile of "oof"s are heard as you see the King make is way to his throne.

The adventurers have vanished into a haze as the king lowers himself to sit.

For a moment, this seems impossible on account of the large claymore currently piercing through his chest...

...However the King has accounted for this and swivels his hips so *clink*, he sits with his back to the corner of the armrest, with the sword passing over it.

You hear a contented sigh as the King swings one leg over the opposite rest and a glass of wine appears in one open hand.



Whew, these royal hounds are barking.


*yawn*


Well anyway it looks like I've taught you lot well.


Leading the people is also a duty of the King, after all.


And not outshining them, is just good manners.


Well, looks like the next wave's coming, don't let King Coach down now.


Let's see if we can make the nationals.


...The king takes a sip considering something.

You know what, kid? (@Dynamax)


You've got heart, have an extra life on me and get back in there.


Your fairy friend reminds me of myself when little D'va was around your age, that girl always did like to eat her own mud pies...


@Dynamax gains +1 HP and has his score reset!


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Rules:

-Roll Sword of Plot Implications to Attack. (7d10)
-View the enemy party's series of rolls for the round. (5d10)
-Compare each die roll 1-1.
-If your slotted number is the same or higher, you win against that player. +1 Score.
-If it's less, -1 HP.
-Rolling a 10 gives you +1 Hp.

Tips:
-Rearrange your die results as you see fit to win each clash.
-You may only use each die roll once.
-If you die, next round you can roll through all the waves back up to the current wave.
Basically start over and catch up!

Example:

You rolled 7d10 for your round's attack: (1,1,2,6, 7,5,10)

The Enemy Party attacks with 5d10 and rolls: (1,2,3,4,5)

You must overcome the Enemy Party's attack as efficiently as possible.

You rearrange your number sequence and clash:

You: 1 / 2 / 5 / 6 / 7

Enemy: 1 / 2/ 3 / 4 / 5

Your 1 and 2 tie, allowing you to win those clashes.

The rest of your numbers are greater so you win those too.

So, you manage to slay the entire enemy party! +5 Points!

****

King You-din Statblock

HP: 1

Attack:

Sword of Plot Implications: Shadow Hax:

-Roll 7d10.
-Each roll is one attack.
-Sort your attacks so you tie or beat the enemy number in each slot.
-You always have 2 more dicerolls than the enemy, use this to your advantage.
-Rolling a 10 gives you +1 Hp.
***
Enemy rolls = 5d10

Adventurers swarm! It's the first wave!

5d10 = (1 + 8 + 9 + 9 + 3)

Adventurers swarm! | Wave 1

5d10 (10 + 8 + 10 + 2 + 9)

Adventurer Swam 2

Clash to beat: 10/ 8/ 10 / 2 / 9

<FIGHT!>

King T-Boss
Attack Order: None.

HP: 0
Total Score: 1

Roll: 7d10 =

N/A


*The King is dead, long live the King.*



Attack Order: x / x/ x/ x/ x/
HP: 1
Total Score:
Roll: 7d10 =


@Dynamax @Luthien @Lune
 

Luthien

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Attack Order: 10 / 8 / 3 / 4 / 9
7d10 (1 + 9 + 4 + 3 + 8 + 10 + 3)
Total Score: 8​
+1 HP from D10
-1 HP from Wave 2




The first clash had been, for the most part, a flying success. Only one of the adventurers had managed to get through the absurd barrage of magical arrows and their colorful detonations, landing a slash on the ranger’s upper limb before she’d reached for one of her throwing daggers and impaled it on the man’s neck.

"F-Fucking hell…" It was easy to forget this was just a dream within a virtual game when the pain in her arm felt so real, the elf panting heavily as she slowly regained her composure after the assault. It didn’t take long for the burning sensation to dissipate as the throbbing came to a halt, and by the time Lúthien had time to properly check her wound it was already gone.

She had missed the moment of the King’s defeat, so when her eyes finally glanced upwards to the virtual screen Lúthien had been shocked to see the man nonchalantly walking back to his throne… with a goddamned claymore rammed through his chest and the blade’s end heavily protruding from his back. "How… When… What?"

Had he truly gotten defeated at the very start? There was no way this royal shish kabob would’ve been able to sit down and sip some wine during his final moments… right?

"Nationals? What is this, a sports anime—?!" A loud bang resonated through her chambers as the second wave of starcalled NPCs announced their arrival as they forced the doors to open, the ranger clicking her tongue in frustration before unleashing another volley of arrows in their direction.

 
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Attack Order (Wave 1): 6 / 8/ 9/ 10/ 7/
HP (Wave 1): 1 + 1 = 2
Total Score: 5
Roll: 7d10 = (10 + 8 + 6 + 7 + 2 + 6 + 9)

10/ 8/ 10 / 2 / 9

Attack Order (Wave 2): 10 / 7/ 10/ 6/ 10/
HP (Wave 2): 2 + 1 + 1 + 1 - 1 = 4
Total Score: 9
Roll: 7d10 = (10 + 10 + 7 + 10 + 6 + 3 + 2)


Max coughed up when life returned to his body, shaking his head and shuddering. "Wh-What the hell, these assholes just got me good—" He huffed, looking at the oldman.

"D'va? She looks more like an insect. Well, she is one."

"... Why did I drag you to safety again? You are so mean!"



She crossed her arms, fluttering her wings frustrated as she turned away.

"I am not mean. I am saying the truth— Anyway, gramps! Thanks for the healing. We are getting back to it!"

Max learned from his mistakes from the previous fight, charging in and... Doing nothing different from the first approach, aside of hitting his opponents harder than before, just like how he had spoken to Jade earlier.

"Are you really just going to brute force your way through?"



"Have any better plan, Genius?" He hissed.

"I mean. You are just trying to kill. Trying not to die would be very helpful already... I worry about you, y'know..."


"Ew."

"WHAT THE HELL YOU MEAN 'EW'?!"



Catching up to @Luthien and @Lune, Max ignored Jade's question, raising his sword fiercely.

"I am here. And Nationals? Aim higher. Internations! Worlds! Take this Galaxy-tier ass beating you Fartcallers Buttlocks!" He roared, swinging his sword back and forth, trying to slash the Starcalled away while trying to keep the enemies from reaching the archer and the songstress.

He knew better than letting those Starcalled get anywhere near to his squisher teammates.
 

Lune

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Attack Order: 6/ 8/ 7/ 6/ 9/
HP: 1 - 1 - 1 = -1
Total Score: 8
Roll: 7d10 (6 + 7 + 9 + 6 + 5 + 8 + 6) = 47



Hearing the impaled King's monologue, Lune turned to the gate that opened yet again.

"More adventurers?" Facing off the previous swarm of adventurers was already taxing, but another wave coming just as she finished cleaning up meant no time to rest at all.

One party which appeared more prepared stormed in, this time using some kind of proper formation, and quickly surrounded her. Swinging her greatsword wildly to keep their distance, the mage managed to trap her feet, encasing them in ice. The other two zoomed around the throne room lightning-fast, before coming to stab her from opposite directions.

"Yup, I kinda forgot those are Starcalled as well." Unable to move, she sighed, as the last adventurer jumped to finish her with their massive axe.

 

Plutopia

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]

Watching the ensuing trials the King seems to consider something...

...and then reaching over, he pulls a lever on the side of the throne...


*The throne reclines*


Ahhhh... that's better.


There's a trick to these things, you know, what with there being a sword in my front and back.


Up here at the top we call that 'wisdom'.


To 'rule' one must 'rule' it's just as simple as that. My words, you can borrow them.


*The king tweets a coach's whistle out of nowhere.*


( @Luthien ) Maybe it is, maybe it isn't. Anyone ever tell you that you need to relax? Jeez. It's almost as if you yaldos didn't win the war in season 1 thanks to a lot of edgelords having a joker moment. That's what you starzies call that right? When people act the jester? Up here in kingland ya gotta be a big dog. You've got a bow, so wow with that bow, or you'll bow out. Like bow wow, get it? Big Dog, and you've got a bow. Anyway. King coach believes in you, bring home that metaphorical batball homerun my daughter loves so much.


*Tweet*


Suddenly we move to a commercial break

KQ0GHHl.png


(I will straight up murder you.)

Welcome back!

( @Dynamax ) Ay, yi, yi, kid. If you think my super angel D'va chan looks like a bug, then I can see why you're doing better swinging that sword with your eyes closed. Because you've got, like, negative vision. Yeesh. Just be be glad that fairy's apron's somehow big enough for you to cling to with both hands, because those little wings are carrying A LOT. Nice swing though, credit where it's due. Par on the course.


*Tweet*


( @Lune ) Oh, hey! It's Corvella! Didn't see you there. Didn't you become some kind of statue? Well guess that worked out. Oof, they gotcha with the old coldfoot. If it makes you feel any better, that poor bastard had to use a SP action instead of anything fun. So who really lost there?


*Tweet*


Alright, looks like we hit the halftime. In lieu of a locker room, let's just call the assistant coach out here instead.


HBjUOlm.jpg

Assistant Coach Shad'Do
"Yo,"

@Luthien Gains 1 retry.

@Lune Gains 1 retry.

@Dynamax already is on his retry.

Ain't gonna sugar coat it. Breaks over, here's the last 20 waves.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Rules:

-Roll Sword of Plot Implications to Attack. (7d10)
-View the enemy party's series of rolls for the round. (5d10)
-Compare each die roll 1-1.
-If your slotted number is the same or higher, you win against that player. +1 Score.
-If it's less, -1 HP.
-Rolling a 10 gives you +1 Hp.

Tips:
-Rearrange your die results as you see fit to win each clash.
-You may only use each die roll once.
-If you die, next round you can roll through all the waves back up to the current wave.
Basically start over and catch up!

Example:

You rolled 7d10 for your round's attack: (1,1,2,6, 7,5,10)

The Enemy Party attacks with 5d10 and rolls: (1,2,3,4,5)

You must overcome the Enemy Party's attack as efficiently as possible.

You rearrange your number sequence and clash:

You: 1 / 2 / 5 / 6 / 7

Enemy: 1 / 2/ 3 / 4 / 5

Your 1 and 2 tie, allowing you to win those clashes.

The rest of your numbers are greater so you win those too.

So, you manage to slay the entire enemy party! +5 Points!

****

King You-din Statblock

HP: 1

Attack:

Sword of Plot Implications: Shadow Hax:

-Roll 7d10.
-Each roll is one attack.
-Sort your attacks so you tie or beat the enemy number in each slot.
-You always have 2 more dicerolls than the enemy, use this to your advantage.
-Rolling a 10 gives you +1 Hp.
***
Enemy rolls = 5d10

Wave 1:

5d10 = (1 + 8 + 9 + 9 + 3)

Adventurers swarm! | Wave 1

****
Wave 2:

5d10 (10 + 8 + 10 + 2 + 9)

Adventurer Swam 2

****
Blank.


Clashes to beat:

5d10 (4 + 6 + 5 + 2 + 2)

Adventurer Swarm | Wave 3

5d10 (3 + 6 + 5 + 6 + 9)

Adventurer Swarm | Wave 4

5d10 (10 + 1 + 8 + 6 + 6)

Adventurer Swarm | Wave 5

5d10 (6 + 6 + 8 + 5 + 2)

Adventurer Swarm | Wave 6

5d10 (8 + 1 + 9 + 8 + 10)

Adventurer Swarm | Wave 7

5d10 (1 + 7 + 2 + 8 + 2)

Adventurer Swarm | Wave 8

5d10 (4 + 10 + 4 + 1 + 6)

Adventurer Swarm | Wave 9

5d10 (9 + 6 + 9 + 8 + 2)

Adventurer Swarm | Wave 10

5d10 (2 + 6 + 4 + 6 + 6)

Adventurer Swarm | Wave 11

5d10 (8 + 8 + 1 + 6 + 5)

Adventurer Swarm | Wave 12

5d10 (5 + 7 + 9 + 6 + 6)

Adventurer Swarm | Wave 13

5d10 (4 + 4 + 10 + 10 + 5)

Adventurer Swarm | Wave 314 <Time Warp Battle>

5d10 (8 + 9 + 10 + 9 + 4)

Adventurer Swarm | Wave 15

5d10 (10 + 8 + 3 + 10 + 8)

Adventurer Swarm | Wave 16

5d10 (1 + 9 + 4 + 2 + 2)

Adventurer Swarm | Wave 17

5d10 (10 + 3 + 4 + 1 + 4)

Adventurer Swarm | Wave 18

5d10 (1 + 5 + 5 + 5 + 4)

Adventurer Swarm | Wave 19

5d10 (10 + 1 + 1 + 2 + 8)

Adventurer Swarm | Wave 20

<FIGHT!>

King T-Boss
Attack Order: None.

HP: 0
Total Score: 1

Roll: 7d10 =
N/A


*The King is dead, long live the King.*



Attack Order: x / x/ x/ x/ x/
HP: 1
Total Score:
Roll: 7d10 =


@Dynamax @Luthien @Lune
 
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Luthien

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"That was… That’s the last of ‘em…" It was hard to speak amidst her ragged breaths.Pulling on a bow consecutively wave after wave was already quite the workout, double so given the mental strain that came from controlling the magic imbued into her arrows.

She really had to stop entering random people’s dreams like this…

Her brows furrowed as the King’s voice reached them, effectively gathering the attention of the blonde as he reclined on his throne. The look she gave them could only be properly described in her island’s native language as una cara de pocos amigos, her lips pressed into a thin line, before she winced at the sudden whistle tweeting that assaulted her ears without warning.

"Tch, you should’ve tried harder for your daughter then." Unamused as she was, the elf couldn’t shake off the odd feeling that lingered around her from the start. Something about this lackluster king felt oddly familiar, but she was certain they’d never crossed paths before—”Ay, yi, yi, kid. If you think my super angel D'va chan looks like a bug, then I can see why you're doing better swinging that sword with your eyes closed.”

"Wait…" Little by little the pieces of the puzzle fell into place, her mind finally connecting the dots. "You’re the Mad King?!"

Her suspicions were immediately confirmed as Theodore called out to her unnie, addressing the Immortal Heroine that laid dormant within Lune. "What the… this makes no sense." She barely noticed the appearance of chad shadow their supposed assistant coach, the elf too busy going over the stuff she’d read shortly after learning of TerraSphere’s deadly secret.

The story, and many others, had been recorded in various scrolls and tomes housed in the Embertorch. While it was debatable how much of it still remained after the League’s home base had been set ablaze, her mind vividly remembered most of it.

"You’re dead." There was no arguing there, and to the King’s defense he had stated they were reliving his final moments. "We shouldn’t be able to even be here—I’m sorry, did you just say twenty fucking waves?!"

Whatever additional complains Lúthien had were swallowed as the throne room doors were forced open and a never ending stream of starcalled poured in—each one of them only focused on one thing: killing them.


❰ Total Score ❱
Round 1 = 29
Round 2 = 2...?
uhxLWvp.png

❰ 𝗪𝗮𝘃𝗲 𝗧𝗿𝗮𝗰𝗸𝗲𝗿 ❱
4 / 8 / 7 / 4 / 2
7d10 (2 + 4 + 2 + 7 + 4 + 8 + 2)
Round 1 | Luthien | Wave 3

5 / 7 / 7 / 7 / 10
7d10 (1 + 10 + 5 + 7 + 7 + 4 + 7)
Round 1 | Luthien | Wave 4

10 / 8 / 10 / 8 / 8
7d10 (10 + 8 + 7 + 8 + 8 + 6 + 10)
Round 1 | Luthien | Wave 5

8 / 8 / 9 / 4 / 4
7d10 (4 + 1 + 8 + 4 + 8 + 2 + 9)
Round 1 | Luthien | Wave 6

8 / 4 / 4 / 3 / 3
KOed!
x1 Retry Consumed
7d10 (1 + 8 + 4 + 2 + 3 + 3 + 4)
Round 1 | Luthien | Wave 7

7 / 4 / 5 / 4 / 6
KOed!
7d10 (5 + 4 + 6 + 2 + 2 + 7 + 4)
Round 2 | Luthien | Wave 1
❰ 𝗛𝗣 𝗧𝗿𝗮𝗰𝗸𝗲𝗿 ❱
+1 HP
Luthien | Wave 4

+2 HP
Luthien | Wave 5

-1 HP
Luthien | Wave 6

-3 HP
KOed!
x1 Retry Consumed
Luthien | Wave 7

-3 HP
KOed!
Round 2 | Luthien | Wave 1
 
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Lune

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Attack Order: 1/ 7/ 9/ 6/ 3/
HP: G O N E
Total Score: 1
Roll: 7d10 (3 + 7 + 9 + 1 + 3 + 6 + 2) = 31



She opened her eyes, back in the room as if nothing happened. If this was a dream she would have woke up from it.

"Nope, you got the wrong person." She dismissed the King's weird chumminess, before stopping. "...How did you-"

"-Wait a fucking minute,"
After exactly two seconds of using her braincells, Lune was finally able to see the figure behind the sunglasses (who says Clark Kent disguise doesn't work?), and the heroine's memory within her recognized the figure behind the big war and headache a few years ago. "It's you."

The imprisonment was not a pleasant memory to recall, and the records were mostly gone because the majority of it was done in a discord-based, rapid-fire roleplaying.

"I must be in hell now." Sighing, the door opened once more, as the first wave of adventurers she defeated before entered.

She realized she was now in a loop.

 

Plutopia

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The King is Durmiendo.

Snuzuuuuu... mimimimimi... Snuzuuuuu... mimimimimi... honk.


Snuzuuuuu... mimimimimi... Snuzuuuuu... mimimimimi... honk.


Snuzuuuuu... mimimimimi... Snuzuuuuu... mimimimimi... honk?


Huh?


Oh you're done. That was fast. I fell asleep for a sundial there. But I was totally paying attention.


*The king tweets a coach's whistle out of nowhere. Again.*


So that's a wrap then. Ah, but before you go, I guess I should handle any lingering questions. Cliffhangers and unexplained mysteries are just the farmer's pits. So let's see here, what were you lot asking about again?


*Tweet* *Tweet* *Tweet*



The King nods while obnoxiously tweeting his whistle. Then he begins to tweet-talk through it. You somehow understand him...


@Luthien Mad King? Never heard of him. He sounds Mad Awesome though. Especially if I remind you of him. Because I am very awesome. And! Of course I'm dead! So are you! Maybe. Let uh... put a pin in that for now.


@Lune You said something about Hell? Yeah maybe. Ya got horns after all. Those weren't there before were they? Maybe I'll start calling myself The Demon King, hohohohoho. That's Corvella for you! Always something different with her. Like, as in, a totally different person, even... so what's the deal with that...?


But enough stalling.



The King's whistle falls from his mouth as his expression turns somehow grave. Hah grave.


*A chandelier falls and crashes. This is an unnecessary detail. Ignoring it, the kings continues.*




Right. So dead-hell. I'd tell you lot to take a seat but you're probably so full of impalement that you're probably pretty well mounted to the floor and steady already.... yeah... hm... SO~~~~~~~ RIGHT! ARE YOU DEAD OR IN HELL?!


*The King does a drumroll on his fabulous throne armrests. Then he snaps and makes finger guns*


Maybe!


I think!




Next to the throne Shado'do shrugs and says nothing.


But who cares about the problem when you've already got the solution, amirite?





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Assistant Coach Shad'Do
"Yo,"

Shad'do reaches into his shirt pocket and pull out a remote. Pushing it another chandelier crashes to the ground. Pushing it again, a roulette wheel rises from the floor. It's horridly cheap-looking, made out of a wagon wheel with some broken spokes. It has sticky notes attached to it.


The Wheel says: "Life Afflictions" in what seems like marker



"Ahem" (he says aloud)


If dying and coming back leaves you with something closer to death...


...who's to say that whatever the opposite of that is, isn't also true?


And if this doesn't work? Don't forget that you agreed to come, ohohohoho~



Assistant Coach Shad'Do spins the "The Wheel of Fortune" and the King, places the point of his sword into the spokes slowing it with a RACKA TACK TACK TACK TACK!



Who's first, hm?


The king snaps and everyone is ported into his throne room

Step right up! The water's fine! Ohohohoho~




Rules:

1) Roll 1d5

2) Gain that "life affliction"

3) Don't forget your prize on the way out! - King

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The 5 Life Afflictions:

1) Thirst Detection:
Your Body has the uncanny ability to determine when you need to hydrate. You manifest this 6th sense through a feeling called "Thirst". The World will be watching to judge what you sip...

2) Hunger Detection:
Your Body has the uncanny ability to determine when you need to eat. You manifest this 6th sense through a feeling called "Hunger". The World will be watching to judge your sauce...

3) Ouch Detection:
Your Body has the uncanncy ability to determine when you feel ouch. You manifest this 6th sense through a feeling called "Feeling". The World will be wincing as it judges your awareness...

4) Soonzemancy:
Your Body has the uncanncy ability to determine when you feel sleepy. You manifest this 6th sense through a feeling called "Yawns". The World will be watching to judge if you snore...

5) Alter: Am I Breathing?

Your Body has the uncanncy ability to determine if it is breathing or not. You manifest this 6th sense through a feeling called "I'm not breathing". The World will be watching to judge if you sneeze...





Bon Voyage! And if you see my Little D'va Weeva Chan remind her what papa taught her! 2 Righteous Executions in the morning to teach them a lesson! And one Random execution in the evening to keep em guessin! Ohohohoho~!


See you next time fellow loot piñatas!



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


DWO WOOO WOO WOO WOOO A WAVY SOUND PLAYS AS YOU AWAKEN WONDERING IF THIS WAS ALL A DREAM.


The end?



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Luthien

❮ Lore Seeker ❯
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RizuChan





He'd fallen asleep.

They’ve been getting their asses kicked left and right by wave after wave of supposed Starcalled, and the Dead King had fallen asleep. "Tch, no wonder you got murdered." If this thing was an accurate representation of King Theodore then she could see how the Starcalled had mowed over the previous King of Falderen.

Her body was sore in various places, the dull ache against her skin being the only reminder of whatever wounds she’d sustained before being overwhelmed by the waves. Lúthien still had a lot of questions about this place, was it truly a dream like she thought or was this another simulation similar to the one experienced so long ago?

It was impossible to tell, and she knew better than to ask this loony king.

A wince crossed her face as he decided to whistle and talk simultaneously, hands slowly raised to provide cover for her sensitive ears as Lúthien glared in his direction—"Whoa!?!" The sudden crash of a chandelier caused the elf to almost jump out of her skin, a sharp yelp escaping as she looked from the king to the fallen fixture and back.

And he fucking ignored it?!

"Hell. We’re definitely in hell." Death’s sweet embrace would’ve been a mercy at this point. Her gaze shifted to the silent shadow beside the throne, a small part hoping that perhaps this so-called assistant coach will have more brain cells than the useless king… but that dream is instantly shattered as they pull out a remote and, with the press of a button, another chandelier comes crashing down.

A glance is given towards @Lune, the expression on her elven face clearly saying Are you seeing this bullshit?, before sighing as her attention returned to Shad’Do and the roulette that had now pushed up from the ground.

"Life afflictions…?" Her gaze scans over each sticky note on the wheel, each one more absurd than the last, as the racka tack tack tack continues in the background. "Ugh, whatever, I’ll humor you and go first."

She wasn’t sure which one was worse: the result on the wheel, the so-called king’s “advice” for Little D’va Weeva Chan, or the fact he’d called them loot piñatas before everything faded into nothingness…

Alter: Am I Breathing?
Your Body has the uncanny ability to determine if it is breathing or not. You manifest this 6th sense through a feeling called "I'm not breathing".

The World will be watching to judge if you sneeze…

 
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