Complete Private Like When We First Met

[Lune]

Dayeon Song

It's been days since that incident. Countless, sleepless days. One Dayeon Song sat on the edge of her bed, looking at the starry night sky. It was apparent that she was pondering about something. Perhaps of a world, that she had destroyed with her selfish feelings?

Anxious, her puffy red eyes constantly switched between the apartment window and her phone, currently in her hands for thirty minutes already. Her lips trembled; she was afraid, afraid of making things worse. But she couldn't leave things like this. She couldn't call herself unnie like this.

With determination, the idol unlocked her phone, quickly typing on the text messenger app.

　

[ 여동생 Val ♥ ]

　

Val?

　

Are you awake?

　

Can I call you?

　

She quickly locked her phone and threw it beside her pillow after sending the messages to her friend, Valeria. The brunette threw herself on the bed, burying her face in her pillow while waiting for an answer; the answer that might or might not come.

Probably serves her right for being a trust-breaking bitch.

@Luthien

 

[Luthien]

Insomnia was something the blonde hadn’t missed in the last year or so of her life, having finally managed to find an internal balance that allowed Valeria to actually rest and wake up refreshed. Unfortunately that had all flown right out the window the last few days, and the dark circles under the girl’s eyes were a physical testament of the little sleep she’d been getting—not to mention the lackluster quality of the few times that Valeria did manage to finally pass out for a few hours.

She’d gotten the contact info of Fior—Nico from Ari the day after everything had concluded, and the conversations with the pinkett kept the girl from diving deeper into unnecessary thoughts now and again throughout the day. Speaking of Ari they had also stayed in touch, though things had turned quite awkward between them now that they both knew where the other stood in the grand scheme of things. She liked him, and he liked her too, but that still hadn’t erased the fact that there were 800 miles or more between them… without the added complexity certain revelations from the everwhite had added to the mix.

A finger absentmindedly scrolled up her phone’s screen, the blonde trying to keep her mind busy and her thoughts away from unneeded topics by watching the various reels Instagram was currently feeding her, when a notification popped at the top of her screen. She had clicked it without properly looking, causing the screen to shift focus as her messaging app was opened, before the blonde silently stared at the screen and the three messages present.

　

[ 언니 Dee ]

Val?

Are you awake?

Can I call you?

​

She stared at the three messages for what felt like an eternity, the blonde unconsciously biting the inside of her cheek as she considered the request. Valeria hadn’t heard from the woman since their last in-game conversation, their chat having reached an absolute standstill right after that. Now and again she’d seen something that had reminded her of Dayeon, the ingrained habit of sharing things with the brunette almost triggering, before the blonde would remind herself of their current reality and stop in her tracks. The radio silence from the idol hadn’t made things easier, and with Dayeon’s own hesitation towards the topic in her dreamspace… well, needless to say it had caused Valeria to question a lot of things from their relationship.

The girl raised her head from the pillow, shifting to a sitting position by the edge of her bed, before her eyes drifted towards her walk-in closet. Although it was currently out of sight the blonde was still very much aware of a particular green jacket, the clothing article hastily shoved into one of the drawers shortly after she’d logged out that night. A heavy sigh escaped her lips then, her eyes turning back to the phone screen before her fingers tapped out a quick and very short response.

　

[ 언니 Dee ]

Can I call you?

 

Sure​

​

@Moonsong

 

[Lune]

She waited and waited, her fingers tapping on the side of her bed waiting for a response. It took a while a notification finally arrived on her phone, Dayeon quickly picked it up and unlocked it. Her eyes stopped at the one and only reply.

　

[ 여동생 Val ♥ ]

　

Can I call you?

Sure

​

Even with the cold-sounding reply from the blonde, the woman saw a glimmer of hope for redemption. She wasted no time and quickly called Val. Pick up, pick up. It rang one time, two times, and still not answered. The idol became nervous, but she kept on waiting to hear that voice.

Beep

"...Hello? Val?" Dayeon called to her with a voice so soft it might as well be a whisper. "...Sorry that it took a long time for me to reach out to you."

The woman fell silent, waiting for the person on the other side to respond. Whether she did or not, there was an awkward silence afterward for a few seconds, before Dayeon mustered enough courage to tell Valeria what she had been thinking all this time. "I was afraid, I know the things I did was terrible..." Her eyes locked on the apartment floor, looking down like she was ashamed of her sin.

The brunette's voice audibly cracks in the middle, as the older woman tried her best not to cry, covering half of her face with her hand. "...So I'll understand if you don't want to hear from me ever again..."

@Luthien

 

[Luthien]

The call was almost instant, arriving barely a few seconds after Valeria had sent her reply to Dayeon. It had caused the blonde to freeze for a moment, the device vibrating within her palm as the display lit up with the woman’s contact information—the picture of the songstress being part of the group photo that they’d taken back in New York during summer disappearing when Valeria swiped to accept the call.

"...Hello? Val?" The voice on the other end was familiar, one that the girl would’ve usually been excited to hear, but tonight it only caused Valeria’s chest to tighten in response. "Yeah, it’s me."

"...Sorry that it took a long time for me to reach out to you."
"Mmm..."

An awkward silence extended between them shortly after, one that neither seemed keen on breaking. It gave Valeria enough time to stand and walk over to the small personal desk in her room, grabbing her wireless earphones from their charging station and popping them into her ears. Her phone was then placed in its own stand, allowing the device to quietly charge as their call continued.

"I was afraid, I know the things I did were terrible..." She’d imagined as much, after all had Val been in the woman’s position the blonde wasn’t sure she would’ve handled it any better. "So I'll understand if you don't want to hear from me ever again..."

"Look…" The usual nickname that she’d given the songstress had almost tumbled out of her lips, hesitation taking over and allowed a long pause to settle in its space before Valeria continued. "It’s not about what you both did… I get that, I know it was that fucking tree."

A hand rose and combed through her hair, a long drawn-out sigh leaving her lips even as the blonde could hear the occasional cracks of Dayeon’s voice as she’d spoken. "I just… what I can’t wrap my head around is the why." Sure, the visuals inside the brunette’s mind hadn't done anyone any favors—but that wasn't the reason the blonde’s mind had gone down a rabbit hole of doubts and questions ever since.

@Moonsong

 

[Lune]

"It's not about what you both did… I get that, I know it was that fucking tree." Even while explaining that, Valeria didn't even bother to call her by her name, a testament that the idol have fallen so low in the eyes of the blonde. At least that was what the brunette thought.

"I just… what I can’t wrap my head around is the why."

Why... what? Didn't Val just tell her that she understands that they did it because of the flower? "Ah..." She muttered, her brain running overtime to search for an answer to the question she had been avoiding for so long.

"Ari and I... Neither of us wanted that, Val—" Somehow, just trying to explain this thing made her stutter a lot. Her hand holding the phone began to shake, while the woman tried her best to maintain a neutral tone.

"—The tree made us act on lust. There wasn't anything—"

Her left hand moved, clutching the left side of her chest as the image of the male suddenly appeared in her mind. "—There wasn't anything at all between me... and him."

@Luthien

 

[Luthien]

"Ah..." She could hear the confusion in Dayeon’s voice, causing Val to frown as she stared in the direction of her phone—as if the act alone could magically allow the woman on the other side to see her expression. "Don’t ‘ah’ me… your Fairy Godmom can’t help you weasel out of answering a second time.’"

Another short pause had snuck itself once more as the girl spoke, still unable to bring herself to call the brunette by her name. Things were still too raw and convoluted for the blonde to call her ‘Dee’ as usual… and yet just saying ‘Dayeon’ didn’t sit right either. Just thinking about it caused a sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach, certain that if she were to call the woman by her given name it would only expand the rift between them even further.

"Ari and I... Neither of us wanted that, Val—"
"Mmm, you sure about that? ‘Cause that’s not how it sounded inside that little dreamspace of yours…"
"—The tree made us act on lust. There wasn't anything—"

An exasperated sigh left the blonde’s lips as the brunette mentioned the tree once more, the girl barely managing to hold her tongue back and forcing herself to just listen... though, to Dayeon’s credit, at least the older woman didn’t start rambling about ‘the flower’ once more.

"—There wasn't anything at all between me... and him."

Valeria wanted to believe the songstress, wishing that for just once her mind would shut up and willingly accept Dayeon’s words at face value before calling it a day. Instead she was pacing about her room as the woman spoke, both hands now combing through her hair again and again in a vain attempt to soothe her thoughts and keep them from overwhelming her reasoning. "Right," It was impossible to miss the sarcasm that dripped from that word as Val finally spoke again, the blonde mentally cursing in response as she tried to dial it back with little success.

"You just go around wishing anyone would call you a 'good girl' then? That they’ll give you their warmth?"

That pressure on her chest was back once more, and the girl could feel the heat that slowly began to rise up her neck as her heart rate increased in response to her emotions. She could still remember that moment vividly, the memory often sneaking into her mind whenever the blonde let her guard down. "I’m not fucking stupid, Dee!" The adoration that had blossomed out of the songstress as the pair had reached their climax hadn’t gone unnoticed by her in-game avatar, though not for the first time Valeria wished she’d never experienced it in the first place, and the feeling was hard to confuse for anything else—not when it had resembled Val’s own feelings for the man so strongly.

@Moonsong

 

[Lune]

The more they talk, the more things quickly spiraled back to the conversation they had in the dream space. As if with every sentence Dayeon said to make things better, it just made things worse instead.

"You just go around wishing anyone would call you a 'good girl' then? That they'll give you their warmth?"

If Val didn't already know about her feelings, she would've immediately replied with a 'yes'. She wouldn't care enough if she was to be labeled a slut, as long as she could salvage this friendship.

"That's not fair..." She whispered under her breath with a pained expression, her left hand clutching her chest even harder now, causing claw marks to appear on her skin. No one has control over the things they feel or want, so the attack felt painful for her. "... I never asked for this."

"I'm not fucking stupid, Dee!"

And there it is. The idol couldn't escape from it this time, the answer she locked deep inside her heart, for the sake of her friendship with the blonde.

Couldn't you just pretend to be stupid? For our friendship.

"Val—" The woman sniffled, tears starting to fall down her face uncontrollably again. "—I like Ari. I like him a lot." Unlike the last time, even though she was crying, the brunette didn't stutter and kept her tone calm. Finally made peace with her own feelings, she explained slowly. "I like the way he speaks. I like the way he smiles. I like the way he looked at me. It reminds me of the things I had."

There was just the sound of muffled crying and moaning, before she continued.

"... Is that what you wanted to hear?"

@Luthien

 

[Luthien]

"Val—I like Ari.”

For a moment she had thought that Dayeon would try to run away from the conversation again, or worse still try to shift the topic back to the everwhite from the game that had thoroughly kicked all of their asses. To her surprise the voice on the other side of her earbuds finally admitted what Valeria had already known, and while the words from the brunette caused the blonde’s chest to tighten and hurt she still remained quiet as the songstress finally let it all out.

"I know… I like him, too."
"... is that what you wanted to hear?"
"Kinda, yeah."

She had finally stopped pacing about the dark room to sit at the edge of her bed once more, a long sigh escaping Val’s lips as the girl had let herself fall backwards to lay atop the mattress while the sound of muffled crying echoed through her ears. One hand reached over to grasp the nearest pillow, pulling it close and onto her chest as the girl’s arms wrapped around it.

"... since when have you liked him, Dee?" It took a few moments before the blonde was able to get that question out of herself, feeling a lump forming inside her throat at the end that caused Val to pause for a moment and take another deep breath. Her head tilted sideways, eyes gazing through the darkness towards the door that lead into the girl's walk-in closet—aware of a particular green jacket that currently resided in a corner of the place, even if it was currently out of view. "Summerfest?"

@Moonsong

 

[Lune]

I can't do this.

She really wanted to end the call, throw away the phone, and just cry herself to sleep. But now that Valeria finally listened to her, the brunette tried to not waste her chance.

"... since when have you liked him, Dee?"

Dayeon took one deep breath. Then another. With every inhale, she calmed down, finally to the point where she could speak clearly again.

"That's a hard question, even for me."

She was back on the stage, on that hot summer day, singing her first English title song Red for the first time. Did she subconsciously throw the jacket toward his direction among all the other audience?

"Maybe it was since the Summerfest..."

The idol recognized the black-haired man, even from the high stage. There was no way she could ever forget people's faces, especially when they had met previously in Lake Horatio.

"...Or maybe way back from I met him in-game in April..."

Headache slowly clouded her mind, blurring any lines of paranoia, lies, and what was real.

"...I'm not sure, Val." One thing was certain; her feelings were genuine, even with all the lies she told herself again and again.

@Luthien

 

[Luthien]

She was silent through it all, her attention focused instead on the words filtering into her ears as Dayeon finally seemed to calm down enough to have a proper conversation. Granted, it wasn’t a conversation either of them wished to have—but it was necessary if either of them wished to salvage whatever was left of their friendship.

"Maybe it was since the Summerfest..."

The words made her chest hurt, and in response the blonde’s arms tightened around the pillow she’d been holding onto. Again her eyes flickered towards the outline of the door that led into her walk-in closet as a truth she hadn’t wanted to entertain was finally confirmed—that green jacket was probably never meant for her. "Mmm..."Another possibility was offered then, that Dayeon might’ve liked the man since before their unexpected IRL meet up in New York City, and her mind couldn’t help but drift away into what if scenarios as a result.

If Ari had never bumped against her on that first summerfest day, would that have meant he and Dayeon would’ve drifted closer given enough time? And, if so, didn’t that mean that she had been the one to ruin it all for the brunette? "Fuck…" A muffled curse left her lips as the girl pressed her face against the pillow she’d been embracing, silence settling between them shortly after.

@Moonsong

 

[Lune]

"Mmm..."

Dayeon could almost hear a muffled sound from her phone. Then there's the silence.

"Val...?"

She probably had said something wrong, very wrong. The idol couldn't comprehend if she did something fatal or not. Was it a mistake bringing up Summerfest? "...Val, you don't have to overthink things..." The brunette tried to juggle the conversation again. "You and Ari... You love each other, you belong to each other."

The woman gulped, preparing mentally for the fact that everybody on this planet knows. "And I—"

She could feel the tears trying to escape her eyes. Her hand quickly covered her eyelids, not wanting this moment to be interrupted by her crying again. "—I'm no one. I'm just a girl with issues and a dead boyfriend."

Her attempt soon failed as Dayeon couldn't stop the tears from running down her reddened face again, coinciding with a thunder that roared outside of her apartment, before a downpour falls again in Boston. "...Don't let anyone change your story. Don't anyone destroy your world..."

The woman got up from her bed, slowly stumbling toward her apartment window, touching the cold raindrop-filled window glass.

"...Not even me."

@Luthien

 

[Luthien]

"Val...? Val, you don't have to overthink things..."
"I’m n-not…"

A lie tumbled right out of her lips shortly after the girl had taken a sharp inhale, trying to keep her voice even but failing as it broke slightly. Tears welled up in her eyes against the blonde’s will, the exhale divided into short bursts as she struggled to keep her emotions in check and not cry like a child while they were having an important conversation—there would be time for crying later.

"And I—I'm no one. I'm just a girl with issues and a dead boyfriend."

"N-No—"She could hear the slight change of intonation in Dayeon’s words, aware that she probably wasn’t the only one trying to keep their voice level headed as they spoke. Words escaped her lips before Val could even think about it, almost as if by instinct, the moment the brunette said she was no one. "—don’t fucking say that again, Dee."

She’d shifted back to an upright position while speaking, the pillow still held tightly against her chest, even as the faint sound of rumbling echoed through the earbuds. "We all have issues, even if we never voice them out." It was hard not to, especially given the world they lived in—after all, no one with a sane mind and perfect life would ever step into TerraSphere.

"Don't anyone destroy your world… not even me."

She fell silent once more, her chin resting atop the pillow that the girl clenched tightly against herself, as the words and their meaning sunk into her mind. "I know…" Feelings were always complicated affairs, moreso because they were one of the few things out of anyone’s control. Val doubted she’d be able to give up on Ari now, even if she had wanted to, and she wondered if the same could be true for the woman on the other side.

"... but I don’t wanna lose our friendship either."

@Moonsong

 

[Lune]

"... but I don't wanna lose our friendship either."

The idol froze in surprise, hearing that despite the things that happened, after the facts that she revealed, Valeria still thought of their friendship. Upon this realization, Dayeon's legs gave up. She leaned on the wall, trying to not laugh at how much of a joke she was. A small chuckle escaped her lips.

Me too.

She really wanted to say that to the blonde, to let her know how much she meant to her and rekindle their friendship. But what right she has, after almost driving everything to the ground?

Nothing.

"... By lying to you and myself, I thought I was saving our friendship—" She regretted how stupid she was, thinking that lying was the best possible outcome. "—Turns out I was only saving myself from the inevitable heartbreak."

The heartbreak of a feeling she never wanted. Yet, a feeling still so precious to her.

"I was the bad friend."

If Dayeon had never tried to meddle in their relationship, nothing like this would've happened. If it wasn't for her instinct to seek out and try to get closer to the Hunter, not any trust would have broken.

She's the villain of this story.

Val doesn't deserve this.

Val doesn't deserve me.

"I won't bother you or Ari ever again. Sorry for everything."

Apologizing with a strained voice, the idol was ready to say goodbye and hang up her phone.

@Luthien

 

[Luthien]

"Pendeja, lies always come out…" It could’ve been days, weeks or months—perhaps even years—but sooner or later someone would’ve slipped up, or some things wouldn’t have properly aligned. Whatever the case Val had little doubt in her mind that everything would’ve come out into the light. "I wouldn’t have forgiven either of you though."

Not due to the act, no, that part she would have understood at a later time just as she had done now. No, what Val would’ve found unforgivable would’ve been the two of them lying to her face.

"I was the bad friend."
"No, you weren’t… chances are I wasn’t even in the picture when you started liking him."

After all they had already been spending time together in-game long before Val had entered the picture, perhaps meeting one another face to face out of the game would’ve sparked something more between them then. If Val had decided to sleep in that morning, or if Ari’s steps had taken him in a different direction through the park, then things could’ve turned out very differently for all of them.

"I won't bother you or Ari ever again."
"W-What—?"
"Sorry for everything."

She hadn’t expected that sudden turn in their conversation, the surprise in the blonde’s voice almost palpable as it took a few moments for her mind to properly catch up to the brunette’s intent. "Don’t you dare, Dee…" At least when Ari had tried to pull this stunt the man had the decency of leaving the decision in her hands, but here the songstress sounded like she was about to make good on her word before Val had the chance to protest.

"I’ll fly over to fucking Boston and kick your door down if you try and pull this shit."

@Moonsong

 

[Lune]

"No, you weren't… chances are I wasn't even in the picture when you started liking him."

Right there, Dayeon started to imagine things, of what could've been. No matter how close things were, it never happened. The stars never aligned, and their hearts were never attuned.

"That's all in the far past now. A possibility that didn't happen."

The idol then looked at her smartphone's screen, the face of Valeria still on the call screen, her thumb slowly going for the red end call button, her decision almost final. This was a mess she caused, and this will be how things end.

"I'll fly over to fucking Boston and kick your door down if you try and pull this shit."

That sentence caught her by surprise. Her thumb was millimeters close to ending the call. Even on the brink of goodbye, Val didn't give up on the friendship. She chuckled lightly, still occasionally sniffling before she admitted her stupidity of walking out like that.

"Up until the end... You're right, I need to make it up to you somehow."

"Has Ari told you about Hawaii?" She finally revealed to the blonde her plan, which she herself might've ruined with how the misadventure in Lubeck had turned out. "I sought him in Lubeck to set up a vacation so you two can finally meet. Because you'll never say no if I'm the one inviting you."

There's still a chance to save this friendship. Meet, apologize, and make amends.

"How does that sound?"

@Luthien

 

[Luthien]

"Make it up to me by never trying to pull that dumb stunt again then."

A light snort could be heard through the line, the faintest of smiles pulling at the blonde’s lips. It would take a while before things felt normal and the ache in her chest fully disappeared, but for now this would do fine. "Has Ari told you about Hawaii?" The unexpected question caused her to raise an eyebrow that Dayeon couldn’t see, her eyes staring towards the phone charging atop her desk in lieu of the missing songstress.

"Hawaii…? No, he hasn’t mentioned anything about it, why?" It was then the brunette proceeded to explain her initial plans, a quiet chuckle escaping Val when the woman mentioned she wouldn’t say no if Dee was the one inviting her out. "Aren’t you a crafty one."

There was no malice or contempt as the blonde spoke those words, the pillow set to the side as Val stood and walked over to her desk. The phone was promptly picked up, unlocking the screen before a few taps brought up her calendar.

"Alright, when is this trip supposed to take place? I’ll probably have to rearrange some stuff… but I think it’s manageable."

Some time away from home in Hawaii didn't sound too bad, especially after the emotional rollercoaster of the last couple of days.

@Moonsong

 

[Lune]

"Make it up to me by never trying to pull that dumb stunt again then."

She cheekily retorted with a joke. "You'll never find where I live anyway, Boston is such a shithole."
The idol didn't even plan to stay in Boston for longer than a few months. The person she was trying to find was permanently gone from her life, there wasn't any reason to stay here any longer.

"Alright, when is this trip supposed to take place? I'll probably have to rearrange some stuff… but I think it's manageable."

"The weekend of next week. I'll take it as a yes, then." Without giving the blonde any chance to protest, the idol quickly laughed and wished her good night, while Val's mood was better than before. "Goodnight, Val."

Beep. She ended the call and tossed her phone back onto her bed. Her chuckle and grin gradually switched back to a sad frown, as Dayeon herself noticed in her reflection on the window glass.

She hated this face, she hated this mask.

But the rain will pass, it just takes time.

@Luthien