Complete Private ✪ Finweald Feeling Sore

[Bluebird]

The shopkeeper lit up as Bluebird entered the bakery. Even with her hood drawn up, there were some people she couldn't hide from, and the kindly faerin who had allowed her to perform outside her shop was one of them.

"Ah, if it isn't little Bluebird! It's been a while!"

Bluebird smiled weakly as she nodded. Being called "little" plucked dissonant chords in her soul, but the baker meant well. So rather than speak up, she walked up to the counter to peruse the daily variety. Fresh loaves, sweet pastries, savory pies... this little bakery had become one of her favorite places from the beginning.

The baker hummed to herself as Bluebird pointed out her choices with an outstretched finger. "Ah, those are good choices! Let me get those bagged up for you."

Bluebird nodded, rocking back and forth slightly as she waited. It was... tense, being in a place where people knew her. Because the people that knew her knew her for her songs, and inevitably...

"So, Bluebird... do you plan to sing for us today? People have been missing your little performances..."

She froze a moment, wings folded tight beneath her hood, and then shook her head. She pointed to her throat and mimed a cough, a motion that seemed to say everything.

"Oh, your voice is gone? A shame... here, let me get you some tea as well, then! My treat!"

Bluebird nodded awkwardly as the faerin disappeared behind the counter. The baker meant well, she knew, and it was... simpler, to let her think she was simply suffering from a sore throat. It was easier than speaking the truth- that it was not sickness that had taken her voice from her.

It was fear.

@Crimson Ruby

 

[Crimson Ruby]

A similar hooded beastfolk pushed the door of the bakery open, albeit not as secretive as the other. Since she had come back into the game, months ago, the habit of concealing part of her identity in crowded places started. Finweald in particular, is cramped and filled with more people than it should fit in a square meter, reinforcing even more the strange habit.

She moved deeper into the bakery, taking a glance at the shelves, and trailing her fingers on the immediate options until--

"So, Bluebird..."

Ruby's heart froze, and she quickly averted her face yet kept a side glance with her gaze. Bluebird? Bluebird was there-

Swallowing, it was instinctive when Ruby glanced at the door.

There were still many people she had avoided talking to. And many that she still didn't feel like she was ready to talk again. And Bluebird seemed to linger much longer in this list than Ruby had intended.

Her tails curled around her leg, and after a deep, focused breath, Ruby glanced at the birdkin. Another breath, this time a determined one. Bluebird was different from others. And if the others were understanding, why it would be any different with her?

Mustering courage, Ruby took a step forward, enough to be diagonally behind Bluebird, about at arm's length.

"... Birdie." She said, quietly and sheepishly. "... It has been a while."

@Bluebird

 

[Bluebird]

Bluebird froze.

How long had it been since she had heard that name? Spoken in that voice? A month, and maybe more. A silence as sudden as death, to the point that she had feared that it was death. She couldn't know, feared she never would know, for there had been no ability for their friendship to go beyond the bounds of Terrasphere...

She turned, face carefully neutral. A familiar face framed in red hair, hardened by determination. Alive, well, speaking. A long awaited reunion, here in this quiet, peaceful place. It was something she dreamed of once before, but now...

Bluebird smiled. It was not a smile that reached her eyes.

She raised a hand, the menu unfolding before her eyes. Ruby's name was there, as it had been all this time. Before, none of her messages had been received, and she had eventually given up. But Ruby was here now, and there was no way she could ignore them.

There was a soft ding as the message was sent and received-

Mail

Hello, Ruby. It has been some time.

@Crimson Ruby

 

[Crimson Ruby]

Ruby llistned to the ding, ears twitching as she opened her UI Menu, reading the message and doing her best to ignore the many others that went unanswered.

What a coward, even after reuniting with so many...

Taking a breath, she moved closer to the birdkin, side glancing at her and around, wondering why she was talking from messages. Something was wrong, and Ruby could feel it. She just wasn't sure if it was her, or if it was something else.

"I didn't expect to find you here!" Ruby admitted this much, keeping aside the part where she probably wouldn't come if she expected it.

With a free hand, she quickly fidgeted her fingers around the touch keyboard.

Mail

It has been.

Are you alright? Is someone chasing you?

Ruby took a guess, seeing that Bluebird was keeping such a low profile, and even using the UI Messager. Being ignorant of the true reason.

@Bluebird

 

[Bluebird]

Bluebird shook her head. It wasn't... inaccurate, but not in the way Ruby might have imagined it.

For a moment, she opened her mouth. Then the humming of the baker grew louder as returned from the back with a paper bag and a steaming cardboard cup. She glanced between Bluebird and Ruby a few times, and then smiled. "Ah, this must be the friend you used to talk about so much! Crimson Ruby, was it?"

Bluebird shut her mouth. She looked to the baker with an embarrassed expression and a nod. In some ways, it broke the tension... in other ways, it increased it. She took the offered items with a polite dip, then stowed them away in her inventory.

"Well, you should have... well, I suppose you couldn't have said something. Please, pick whatever you'd like, on me! Any friend of Bluebird is a friend of mine." She gave Ruby a wink and a smile. "And if you really want to, you can pay me back by showing off that fancy footwork of yours later!"

Bluebird took the distraction as an opportunity to read Ruby's message. By now, she certainly knew how much she had sent, back when those feelings had been so overwhelming.

Mail

I am fine. I am not being followed. The baker is a kind woman, and all her products are good. Please take your time. I will wait outside until you are done.

She bobbed her head, then slipped out the door with a little more speed than was necessary. The baker watched her depart and clicked her tongue. "Poor dear, losing her voice like that. I wonder if she's seen one of those Traveler healers about it yet?"

@Crimson Ruby

 

[Crimson Ruby]

Ruby's cheeks grew rosy at the reveal, sideglancing at Bluebird with a similarly embarrassed expression. Birdie talks about me with other people? Ruby couldn't help but feel flustered about it, at the same time it gave her a pang of guilt, especially at the used to part.

Of course, Bluebird probably gave up at some point on her. The girl had simply disappeared, after all. For a silly fear.

"Th-Thanks." Ruby smiled sheepishly, with her eyes shifting when a new message flickered in front of her UI. An eyebrow rose when Bluebird seemed to leave and wait for her outside, though the mention of voice being lost quickly snatched Ruby's attention. "Lose... Voice..?" Ruby blinked, looking behind her back, now worriedly.

"I... I am a healer Traveler myself, in a way." She admitted, shifting a gaze to the woman, and picking up a couple of doughnuts hurriedly. "I will pay with gold for now, but I will really think about your offer- I promise!" Ruby smiled warmly at the woman, tugging her paper bags and rushing outside.

Pushing the door open, Ruby quickly tried to look for her friend.

"Birdie!" She called, looking at her and pursing her lips as she approached, holding the bag of doughnuts with a hand, and reaching for her own neck, rubbing it. "Birdie? You... You lost your voice..? How?"

@Bluebird

 

[Bluebird]

The baker looked a little disappointed as she counted out the gold, but she smiled nonetheless. "Well, I'll just consider it paying things forward, then!

---

Bluebird hadn't gone far. The last thing she wanted to do was to step into the crowded streets and be carried away, so she pressed herself against the bakery wall, eyes darting as they followed the path.

She nearly jumped as the door opened, her attention going towards Ruby. Part of her wanted to smile at the sight of her, while the other part felt sick. Together, they produced an expression that almost looked constipated, one she quickly hid under her hood as she brought up her UI once more.

Mail

You were not at the Battle of Camp Hope. I was.

It was something how, despite her hidden expression, the jabbing of fingers in empty space could express so much frustration. Or how trembling could reveal fear.

Mail

There was a machine that could sing. It sang a song of despair. We sang back. I paid the price.

She still remembered it all - the taste of blood, the weight of a metal monstrosity bearing down upon her with all consuming flame. It swallowed the world around her, making her shake so suddenly that she couldn't keep the keyboard straight-

If you fear him, he will know. If he knows, he will hurt you.​

She stiffened. The shaking came to a halt as it was replaced by tightly wound tension. Her hands were still enough to type now, and so she started over.

Mail

I still hear it. I still taste it. It will not leave me.

@Crimson Ruby

 

[Crimson Ruby]

Bluebird's expressions were one that brought chills down Ruby's spine. Something certainly wasn't right.

Her friends, all her friends so far, had looked at her with relief, with joy, with gratefulness for her being back. Those were all feelings Ruby deep down didn't feel like she deserved, and yet they gave it all to her.

Bluebird, however, seemed different. It was almost as if...

Ping!

Ruby's thoughts were interrupted, and as she opened her UI to see the messages, her heart froze at the reveal, at the first message that felt like some sort of accusation, or perhaps Ruby was overthinking it. The following messages, one after another, brought the guilty feeling even deeper into her chest, enough for her hand to instinctively reach for it.

"Birdie..." Ruby pursed her lips, looking up at her friend and averting her gaze momentarily before forcing it back to her.

"Birdie... I..." She swallowed. "I was... I was in Camp Hope." Ruby paused, for a moment reminding herself of the horrified scream. "You... You were fighting that thing? I was helping on another wall, I do... I do remember a scream, and it did sound familiar, but--" She didn't really dare to move toward that clusterfuck of a danger, did she? Not when she wasn't certain it was Bluebird.

"... How... What is still with you? How can we recover your voice?" Ruby asked, nearing Bluebird.

@Bluebird

 

[Bluebird]

Ruby was there.

She was there and she heard her and and she didn't come, she didn't come she heard her and she didn't come-

"You..."

Her voice was rough - not from any injury, but from sheer lack of use. It was a strange, weak thing, a trembling sound so different from what Ruby knew. "You were... there..."

Her face was pale as she turned towards Ruby, expression blank and cold. No anger, no sadness, just an emptiness that was her only way of containing the torrent of raging emotions under the surface. She stepped back as Ruby stepped close, head shaking slightly as she did.

"Ruby, you were there and you... I fell, and you didn't catch me."

She hadn't died then - she'd just come close to it. But knowing that the woman who had been her first friend had been so close, and yet so far... it hurt just as badly.

Bluebird squeezed her eyes shut, shaking her head harder, and then whistled suddenly, calling the wind around her in a sudden whirlwind that caused a few people in the crowd to yelp. A wind that carried Bluebird upwards as she did the only thing she could think of, faced with all of this.

She ran.

@Crimson Ruby

 

[Crimson Ruby]

Ruby's eyes grew in shock at Bluebird's voice.

The beautiful voice of her friend, was reduced to something so weak, so faint. Her lips quivered for a moment, unsure of how to react right away, until the birdkin's words struck sharper than any arrow.

"Ruby, you were there and you... I fell, and you didn't catch me."

The promise, one that Ruby didn't complete. One that Ruby failed to fulfill. The reason? Cowardice, insecurity, doubt. But they were no excuses, they were just reasons.

"Birdie..." Ruby muttered, ears lowering and flattening against her face, trying to take a step closer to her when her friend turned her face to her, rightfully so.

Winds blew, taking away Bluebird, making her fly away, to escape from her.

The wind prickled her eyes, which felt cold when in contact with the tears that were forming, with her sight blurring as Bluebird was fading, disappearing, and...

"BIRDIE!" Ruby yelled, ignoring the guilty, ignoring the hesitation, the self-frustration and anger. She pushed herself forward, propelling herself into action with pure selfishness. It took months for her to finally see Bluebird, it was her only chance to keep her friend... And not only that, she was in trouble, her throat, her voice both being gone.

"Please! Birdie, come back!" She called, running and abusing of her dynamism to keep up the pace, though she couldn't fly-

"I-I am sorry, I--!" Ruby's voice staggered- "I-I am pathetic! I couldn't catch you when you fell! Just like I couldn't catch the others before! I... I couldn't catch you... Because I was fallen myself!" She gritted her teeth, trying to keep her friend within her sight, and trying to find a way to reach her in the air if she ever could.

@Bluebird

 

[Bluebird]

Bluebird thought she would always have the wind.

But it was hard now to keep up her fluttering whistle. She couldn't control her breathing, not when it hovered on the edge of sobbing. She had to use her feet and run, but her claws weren't made for running, and she kept stumbling across the the rooftops. She wasn't as swift as she could be, and in the end she could never be as swift as Ruby. And because of that, she couldn't run faster than her words.

"I was fallen myself!"

How sharp those words were. If they'd been insults, or reprimands, she could have simply shrugged them off. But these sincere apologies and burning regrets... she had no defense against it. It was like back then, when she first and finally understood the enormity of the wrongs done to her.

She wanted to speak up. To shout back. But her voice caught in her throat, trapped by the fear of what might escape if she did-

Another stumble and her talons caught on the shingles. Her whistle became a gasp as her flight became a fall, wings splayed with shock as she tipped and skidded towards the edge of the roof.

@Crimson Ruby

 

[Crimson Ruby]

Ruby continued to run, hoping to reach Bluebird. Not physically, this was something Ruby could've done at any moment. But what would be the point on touch her friend if she wouldn't be able to touch her heart anyway? It would only make things worse.

"Please, I--!" Ruby's plea was cut short, realizing the momentary falter on Bluebird's flight. She had seen it before, she was the one who was there when Bluebird was practicing her flight. Those signs, she was about to fall.

"BIRDIE!" She called, and her dynamism electrified her body as she abruptly erupted into a reckless speed, having no regard for the narrow streets, and the goods the stalls had that were suddenly pushed aside from the air that was pierced aside when the cat girl zoomed through it, with her eyes mostly focused on the girl that was about to go for the edge of a roof.

It wasn't going to end well, at that speed, unless she managed to control her flight properly--

With a jump, Ruby tried to shorten their distance as much as she could, before blinking in a quick teleport, just in time to open her arms and hold Bluebird, sending both of them toward the wall, and eventually back to the ground, with Ruby trying to cushion the impacts, not having the time or energy to teleport back to the ground.

As painful as it was at first, Ruby couldn't help but feel a vague deja vu as she groaned.

@Bluebird

 

[Bluebird]

There was no chance for Bluebird to catch herself - not when Ruby could move that much faster than her. And in the time between their last meeting and now she had improved.

Fortunately, so had Bluebird.

She saw the wall approaching, and opened her mouth to warble hoarsely. The air swirled, forming enough of a buffer to slow their impact against wall and pavement both. Fear sparked in her chest at the inaudible undercurrent in her call, the one that made that wind blow a little too sharply and made her throat sting with the memories of that moment.

And as they landed, and Ruby took a moment to recover, Bluebird simply lay stunned for a moment before covering her face and digging her fingertips in. She was crying, but without sound - just the shuddering hitch of her breath. Even now she was trying to keep silent, but in a different way. The way of someone who didn't want to be heard crying, no matter how hoarse her voice was.

@Crimson Ruby

 

[Crimson Ruby]

Ruby groaned, trying to stand back to her feet, struggling to recover until she listened, very, very quietly, only thanks to her enhanced hearing- The crying was so silent that it barely seemed to be there. However, as silent, as it was, it held emotions that even with a deafening scream, it wouldn't be enough to convey what it held.

Getting on four, Ruby looked at Bluebird with teary eyes, crawling closer to her and touching her friend, gritting her teeth to see her in such conditions.

Those tears. That frustration. Was it all her fault? Or it was only the tip of the iceberg that caused Bluebird to explode now?

Regardless, Ruby closed her distance, burying her face next to Bluebird's, not daring to hug or bury her face on her shoulders, even if she wished she could. "I-I am sorry... I... I am wrong. There are no excuses." Ruby clenched her fist against the ground. "I was too much of a coward. I feared that I would keep seeing those that I care for dying. That I would have to look at you when I said I would catch you when you fall, but... Not even managing to catch me when I did... Yet, look what I did." Her eyes closed tight.

"I am sorry, Birdie."

@Bluebird

 

[Bluebird]

Bluebird froze as Ruby closed the distance, eyes wide as her instincts warred with themselves. The desire to freeze, to run, to even go so far as to strike back in self defense. But this was Ruby. This was her first friend in Terrasphere. Perhaps her first true friend in years.

A phrase floated through her thoughts. Spoken by people who she no longer needed to respect, who she never should have had to respect.

I'm angry because I care.

...but in the end, it made the sentiment behind those words no less true.

Without warning, Bluebird closed the gap that Ruby was afraid to close, wings folded tight as she embraced Ruby in a tight hug.

"...I though you had died," Bluebird muttered, voice still hoarse as she pushed through the start of tears. "But you were not at the cathedral with the others. I sent so many messages, but you did not respond."

She inhaled sharply, fingers clawing briefly at Ruby's clothing. "I thought... maybe you stopped playing. It was the kindest reality I could imagine..."

@Crimson Ruby

 

[Crimson Ruby]

Ruby's eyes opened surprised at the unexpected tight hug, and Bluebird's hoarse voice, damaged because Ruby wasn't there when she needed, made the crimson cat's emotions stagger for a moment.

A shimmer swirled in Ruby's eyes, reflecting the tears that were forming in them as she returned the hug with similar tightness.

"I didn't die because you've saved me-" Ruby said. "You, Ning and Bon Bon, you three got me out of that nightmare, and still... still..." She held her friend closer, with the tightness softening into a firm gentleness, caring for being someone so dear, but also not loose in a desire to not let her go.

"I was pathetic, I didn't want to look shameful in front of you, promising to help you up when you were the one that needed to go into danger to save me. I was too stupid to stop being shameful, and instead be grateful to you." A bitterness crossed her tone. "I didn't want to step in this game either, I just wanted it to be gone, but..."

Ruby's face leaned away, to look at Bluebird's face. "I couldn't just leave it, not with my friends in here. Not with you in here." Her lips pursed.

"But by that time, it was already so late, I thought you would hate me for disappearing." Ruby admitted, feeling every word she wanted to tell Bluebird slip from her chest.

"And I wouldn't blame you... If you did it right now."

@Bluebird

 

[Bluebird]

Bluebird was quiet, her breathing slowly calming as Ruby spoke. She heard the scattered emotions within her words, a song of sorrow and regret silently ringing.

She gave Ruby the space to lean back, to look at her face to face. Bluebird's expression had softened - still controlled, but no longer with the sharpness she reserved for a stranger.

"...it is natural to fear death," she eventually said, once it seemed that Ruby had said her peace. "Even in a place like this, where one can be returned to life."

There was something oddly hollow in her voice as she spoke. Her mind seemed to be somewhere else, her eyes seeing a different world. A world she could never truly leave behind...

"...but you came back. You chose to face it again." Bluebird folded her wings, the warmth returning to her voice as she redoubled her hug. "You faced your fear, Ruby, and you... you came back."

Bluebird wouldn't see the smile on Bluebird's face, but it was there nonetheless as she rested her chin on Ruby's shoulder.

"And because of that, I could never hate you."

@Crimson Ruby

 

[Crimson Ruby]

To see @Bluebird's soft face was relieving, even if Ruby didn't quite consider she deserved it. Fear of death was always expected, that was for sure, but leaving your friends behind was sure something that couldn't be allowed, no matter how much life or death was into play... And at the time, the worst had been gone... Except for the reveals she didn't expect.

Bluebird's voice tone, along with those internal thoughts, made Ruby half open her mouth to try to respond her- But not before the hug was redoubled, quietening Ruby for a moment as she reciprocated it a bit tightly herself, firm in a desire to not let Bluebird go away from her arms again, even if that was just an unrealistic and despierate thought.

"Fear... I needed to... Otherwise we would never see each other again..." Ruby said, with her voice quivering at the idea, and the tears to start forming in her eyes again.

The touch of Bluebird's chin on Ruby's shoulder, followed by the confirmation that her friend didn't hate her, made the crimson cat slip a sigh, burying her face on her as she slipped- "Th-Thank you, Birdie..." Ruby muttered. "I... Won't leave you again... I promise. For as long as we are together, I really won't let you fall..." She shook her head. "And... I won't fail to keep this promise. Not again... Not ever again..." Ruby repeated, hammering those words into her own skull and mind.

A sniff escaped, but the rest of her tears and cry, Ruby held them back, trying to recover for a moment while their hug didn't part just yet.

Eventually, however, she had to speak once again. "This game... However... Is worse than we can imagine, Birdie..." Her lips pursed. "Returning to life... Isn't that simple."

 

[Bluebird]

Bluebird hesitated a moment, still gently patting Ruby's back. She was... unused to this kind of contact. But it wasn't unpleasant, and Ruby seemed to need it far more than she did. She hummed softly, a melody meant to soothe pain and quiet tears.

"...thank you, Ruby. And next time... maybe you'll let me catch you, too."

She'd learned a bit about standing for herself in the time that Ruby was gone. She wasn't weak or inexperienced anymore. Perhaps she wasn't on her friend's level, but surely she wasn't a burden now. She could help, and not just be helped.

She pulled away finally, smiling. She'd found her peace, at least. She hoped that Ruby had found the same, but the look on her face spoke otherwise. Bluebird tilted her head with a polite frown. "What do you mean, Ruby?"

...she had an inkling of what Ruby meant. But it was better to hear it from her rather than to guess...

@Crimson Ruby

 

[Crimson Ruby]

Ruby's expressions and body softened at the pats and hums of her friend, with her heart washing in relief at the fact that... Despite every mistake, and everything they went through, she hadn't lost her. Gently, Ruby squeezed Bluebird in their hug, and she shook her head.

"You already did... Birdie... You saved me back then." She sighed, pulling away, with her hands resting on her friend's shoulders for a bit longer. "I... Am the one that didn't catch you yet... But I promise that this time, I will." Ruby said, determined as she finally released her friend, glancing around to make sure no one was too close to hear, and leaning in with a quiet voice.

"This place... This game isn't safe, and I don't mean in an illegal way only..." Ruby pursed her lips, casting another cautious glance around.

"... I thought this was all a humor from back then, when I first had played this game... But after the Red Fever... It is clear... This game kills people." A scowl crossed her face. "I thought it was a lie, but... Apparently Sh... Shane... Was stuck in this game... Ever since the Red Fever... I've not seen her. People are saying she died for good." Ruby frowned.

"... I haven't seen Sol either, ever since she had died in that battle... And it has been... So long." Ruby endured as she spoke, doing her best to not allow her voice to crack.

@Bluebird