18+ Private Coffee Talk

[Juniper Lockton]

Jess, as she'd started being called in the real world, really struggled with showing up here today.

After the whole fiasco that left her disheveled in tears and hurt feelings, she wasn't sure she should even show her face around Natsume in the real world. If she saw her, then maybe she'd become even more certain in her decision that day to run away from her like she was some kind of freak. The dysphoria hadn't been helped by that whole situation, and her inexperience with any experimentation in the fashion or makeup department meant that she looked like a newly trans girl who was still figuring things out. It was like being a young teen all over again, painfully struggling through phase after phase trying to find comfort in a certain style.

She knew what she wanted to look like, but wasn't sure how to get there.

Still, she could only debate about what to wear and such for so long before she had to leave, and so she arrived earlier than she should have at the coffee shop they'd agreed to meet at. After the last encounter, she wasn't comfortable with going anywhere too private with her, unsure if there was a trap waiting for her if that was the case. Fortunately, this encounter aimed to redeem Natsume, she felt, so she tried to keep her heart open and willing to hear her out.

Life was hard, harder when you were faced with the unknown. She was just shocked, right? Jess wanted to give her the benefit of the doubt and believe that she wasn't really the girl who left her crying in the street, but it was hard not to be guarded after something like that with someone you liked. Well, she still liked her, unfortunately. She'd still been watching her play tennis, imagining how different it could have gone had she just been born a girl like she was supposed to be. It was all just some cosmic joke that she had to be trans, right?

She sat, waiting for the famed tennis player to show up, comfortable enough in her appearance, even if she did look and seem a little awkward. Her hair was still short, in the growing out phase that made it look a little weird or unbecoming. Fortunately, her fashion wasn't the worst, and she seemed at least accidentally stylish to some degree. The only thing was that she looked a lot like a trans lesbian. T-shirt, flannel over it, beanie, jeans, hi-top sneakers. She figured there was more she could do to be the cute girl she wanted to be, but wasn't sure how to do it properly.

All that was left to do now was to sip her fancy coffee and wait.

 

[Titania Djokovic]

Natsume wasn't used to guilt. She lived her life in a straightforward and honest way, always true to herself. There was never any reason to doubt herself or her path. Heck, she always figured she was kinda awesome really! That is, until a certain girl, because yes Jess WAS a girl, turned all that upside down. Finding out her adorable foxy friend was a male in the process of transitioning had been the shock of Natsume's life. Calling her reaction bad was the understatement of the year. She hadn't been able to sleep that night, wrestling with a poisonous mixture of disgust, betrayal, and disbelief. The next day hadn't been much better as she turned over Jess's revelation a million times in her mind, wondering if she could ever bring herself to log onto Terrasphere again.

Then, over the course of another day or two, as raw emotion gave way to a kind of rational numbness, Natsume really began to think. Was it really so disgusting to be trans? Jess considered herself a girl, and though she'd been flirty at times, she'd never been outright creepy or tried to make a move that would have grossed Natsume out. They had been so close to being best buddies, or maybe even more, when something as simple as an unexpected gender reveal threw her off. Jess had clearly trusted Natsume to reveal something so deeply personal, and how had she reacted? She'd been grossed out. Even then, she couldn't help but feel a little sick about it. Unfortunately, that betrayed one simple truth:

Natsume was the fucked up one.

She was one of those bigots she always mocked, the ones who had narrow minds and had no tolerance for change and how good it could be. As a flamingly open lesbian, that just made this understanding about herself hurt that much more. It was another sleepless night, and it came as no surprise really that she fell several places at her next regional qualifier. Natsume felt like a disgrace in more ways than one. She spent far too long agonizing over what to do when the answer should have been clear from the beginning: She had to apologize, to make amends somehow.

It took more courage than she thought to log into Terrasphere and even more to send a hastily written PM to Jess, practically begging her for an in person meet up. Natsume absolutely refused to do this over some digital game thingy. She half-expected to never hear anything again and have to accept that she'd ruined everything, but then... Holy smokes! She actually replied! And accepted?? Yowza!

She picked the trendiest coffee shop she knew as their meeting place, making sure it was somewhere Jess could feel safe. After all, it wouldn't be all that unexpected for Natsume to harbor some kind of ill will and jump her with a gang of thugs. That had been all too common once upon a time... She turned the corner with a sigh, tucking some of her short hair behind her ear. Compared to her fluffy and round in game self, Natsume was a bit more lithe and imposing but certainly no less curvaceous. The button or two on her shirt that needed to be left open to give her cleavage some space to breathe was proof enough of that. She'd tried to wear one of her old high school uniforms to help with going incognito, but the main drawback was it juuuuust didn't quite fit. That and the fact that she hated ties so it just hung loosely around her neck. A white collared shirt and black skirt was plenty plain enough to blend in anyway though... right?

The mask over her nose and mouth helped a little bit at least. She glanced into the cafe and felt her chest twist up. There she (SHE) was. Natsume couldn't help but think she was pretty darn "W-wowie. Cute..." she murmured to herself. Walking up nervously, Natsume rubbed at the back of her neck and couldn't quite meet Jess's eyes as she walked up with her tennis bag in one hand, setting it down next to the chair opposite Jess and taking a seat. She swallowed hard and raised a hand in an uncomfortable sort of wave. How did she even break the ice in a situation where their last interaction had been Natsume soundly rejecting her and running away? "Heya! I... uh... Well, h-hi!" she tried lamely, already wishing she could be swallowed up by the ground. "You come here often? It's me in case ya couldn't guess, e-ehehe." Natsume tugged her mask down and showed a weak and wobbly version of her usual smile.

 

[Juniper Lockton]

It had been a shame to see Natsume fall in the rankings since their last encounter. While she had still felt bitter while watching, she felt almost guilty for having thoughts about wanting her to lose. Jess hadn't felt good for days afterwards, but did she really want to wish that same energy on someone else who was likely just ignorant? Is that the kind of person she wanted to be?

No, not really. She wanted to be like Juniper. Always positive and ready to stand up for what was right. The fact that the tennis player had wanted a dialogue days later showed her that there was a chance of getting through to her, and so she had accepted this invitation.

It wasn't too long that she was waiting before Natsume showed up and she nearly choked on her drink. Seeing her on tv playing tennis was one thing, but seeing how tall and built she was in person was another. She was truly an awe-inspiring model for young athletes everywhere! As the girl sat down, Jess thought to the things she'd practiced saying. All the quips and witty words she'd prepared over the course of days in preparation for this.

All of it fell away with a small sigh at the attempt to start with small-talk. She didn't want to be quippy or potentially seen as rude or anything. She'd agreed to meet with her for this, no need to make her regret it.

"I know. It's nice to meet you." She sat up uncomfortably, "I am Jess, but you can call me Juni if it's easier for you." What came out of her mouth wasn't what you might expect for her appearance. It was, unfortunately, the sound of a boy trying to do a girl's voice, even though that thought in itself was very limiting and biased in gender norms. Still, it didn't sound unpleasant so much as it just wasn't quite polished and practiced enough. Between vocal training, learning about social etiquette between the two genders in Japan, her new job as an English tutor, Terrasphere, and learning Japanese, she hadn't had much time to dedicate to any one thing.

Her Japanese was good, though, spoken in the correct accent and all. She'd done a lot of studying Japanese before she even got here, and with the big head start she had, immersion was doing wonders to make her fluent.

"Do you wanna talk first or order coffee and snacks first? Also, why are you wearing a school uniform?" She asked simply, not making a big deal out of it but just genuinely curious.

 

[Titania Djokovic]

Natsume's keen ears picked up on Jess's sigh and prepared for the worst. Her mind ran through all number of horrible scenarios ranging from breaking down at the table to reaching over and decking her across the face. Jess could still do some damage if she wanted to, regardless of Natsume's fitness, and arguably she might have deserved it all things considered. Instead, to her astonishment, Jess greeted her... kinda normally?? Her gut twisted a little bit as the anger or distrust that she expected just wasn't coming. She gnawed softly at her lower lip for a moment before settling into the chair a bit more comfortably. "Huh? Whatcha talking about, Jess? We're in the real world now, so we gotta use our real world names, right? As fer me, um, you can call me Na-chan if you want. All my friends do!" Friends. The hope hidden in that sentiment was obvious. She scratched awkwardly at her cheek for a moment.

Who even was this girl? Was this really the bombastic ball of sunshine that played Tani in Terrasphere? It certainly didn't look like it as Natsume could barely meet Jess's eyes, trying to find any way she could to occupy her hands. She noticed the vague "off-ness" of Juni's voice, how it didn't quite fit the way a young lady should sound. Combined with the length of her hair and sorta-cool, sorta-weird outfit, she reminded Natsume a little bit of a bird halfway between down and feathers. Before what had happened, Natsume would have laughed and teased her a bit, but now? It just seemed like insult to injury.

Jess did her best to make small talk, and Natsume just flinched, looking tenser by the second. The second question gave her a small out to at least giggle slightly. "Oh! Hehe, well it's like... I'm just a tiny bit famous and I really didn't want people to bother us, ya know? Figured no one would think twice about another high schooler. Doesn't quite fit like it used to though. Maybe I'm gettin' fatter than I thought," she said nervously, pointing to her collar where the poor shirt was hanging on for dear life, even with one or two of the buttons undone.

Twist, twist, twist went her insides.

Natsume had taken about as much of this as she could bear. She suddenly straightened and placed both hands on the table with a slight thud, finally meeting Jess's eyes properly with the toughest stare she could muster. "Okay, this is drivin' me crazy. Answer me just one question: How much did I make you cry that day? And don't play dumb. I know you know what day I'm talking about." The intensity, bordering on desperation, in Natsume's eyes burned like fire.

 

[Juniper Lockton]

"Suit yourself, Na-chan." She said in response to the logic regarding their names. She was just hoping to make it easier for her Japanese accent like she had for Alice's mother, but it seemed like Natsume's English was pretty good. Whatever the case, she listened to the explanation while drinking her caramel frappuccino, eyes looking almost bored to be here, even though that wasn't the case at all. She was just trying not to get inside her own head too much about her appearance in front of this example of peak performance across from her.

She didn't really respond to the fat comment, instead just blinking at her as if she couldn't be serious. Jess flinched, however, when hands met wood and made a sound that ended with a clink. Clearing her throat, she set her drink down and looked away before looking back, forlorn, "A lot. Like...a lot, a lot." Without being asked anything else, she left it at that and tried to get out of her head before she started crying again. She didn't want to cause a scene for the girl trying to stay undercover.

She wasn't much of a talkative person, so it was easy for silence to permeate the air around her without someone giving her input to respond to.

 

[Titania Djokovic]

Natsume's heart skipped a beat as Jess easily agreed to her cherished nickname. So... even after all that, they were friends? Maybe she could dare to hope that this would go better than she thought... ooooooooor maybe not. The lump of guilt in her stomach wasn't going away that easily. While she fought with her own thoughts, she tried to explain her odd choice of attire to Jess who seemed kinda bored of whatever she was saying honestly. Natsume would've called it out as being rude, but she was the LAST person who should be saying something like that. She also looked a little confused toward the end. Why though?? Did her self-deprecating words not hit the mark? Oh no!!

Regardless, Natsume quickly grew tired of the nervous tiptoeing they'd been doing around the elephant in the room. She decided to take the elephant and put it in the spotlight, so that maybe some of this terrible tension in the air could finally be resolved. The fact that Jess hadn't even tried to yell or hit her or anything was going to make Natsume go nuts at this rate. She pointedly asked how badly she'd hurt Jess in her own way, waiting with intense focus for the answer.

It was exactly how she'd expected.

Natsume had no real way to know what "a lot, a lot" meant, but she could only guess, imagining the adorable person sitting in front of her sobbing their eyes out alone in their room. Yes, as if she needed any more reason to know she was a terrible person. The tennis player sighed softly through her nose and closed her eyes for a moment. Then, with a startling suddenness, she stood up. Without a word, she picked up the table and, in a supreme display of her physical fitness and balance, moved it a short distance to her left without disturbing Jess's drink or anything else on top of it. She had a stony expression as she returned to stand before Jess before suddenly dropping to her knees and bowing so low and so quickly that her forehead hit the floor loudly.

"I'M SO, SO SORRY!" she screamed at such a volume that every head in the cafe turned to look at them, utterly startled. It was about the most "Tani" thing Natsume had done since they met as any hope of not causing a scene had been all but lost. "I'M A TERRIBLE, AWFUL, STUPID, IGNORANT DUMMY WHO'S NOT AS NICE AND FRIENDLY AS SHE LIKES TO THINK!!" Natsume straightened up a little, revealing watery eyes and a trembling lower lip. Her mask had fallen off her face and lay discarded on the floor. There was even a big red spot on her forehead from where she'd greeted the tile floor with it.

"We're supposed to be friends and you told me something so special and precious, but all I could think was that you were trying to trick me or take advantage of me. Even worse, I actually thought you were like... g-gross!" She winced and shook her head violently, horrified at her own prejudices lurking under the surface. "Jess is Jess no matter what, right? Just 'cause a few things changed on the outside doesn't meant the inside is any different! I should've known that! Instead, I got all freaked out and ended up hurting you so, so much. All because I'm a big, fat idiot!!" Sniffling, Natsume scrubbed hastily at her eyes before blinking back the rest of her tears. "I know I'm asking a lot, especially when we just met again after I dragged ya out here, but do you think... we can try again? F-friends?" She stayed on her knees, her hands balled into fists and rested on her thighs as she waited, tense as a coiled spring, for Jess's response.

 

[Juniper Lockton]

The tension wasn't getting any easier to bare as moments went on. Suddenly, Natsume stood, moved the table, and Jess froze in fear that something bad was coming after all. She swallowed hard, and then suddenly Natsume was on the floor, head to the ground, shouting and making a scene of the whole thing. Her heart was beating fast, even as the apology came, and her head was in such a spin that she was hardly comprehending what was happening.

She just wanted to make it stop.

"Na-Na-chan-..." She tried to softly interject, eyes darting to all those that were looking at them now. It didn't work, and Natsume kept talking, but finally she relented with a question and Jess just nodded somewhat frantically, "Y-y-yea, that's fine, just please quit making a scene? Please?" It was very clear from how red her face was that she didn't like this much attention on or around her.

Especially not while being a foreigner. Especially not while being a trans foreigner.

"You don't need to feel so bad. I get it, y'know? It isn't super common here and like...I don't know, it was something I always prepared for. I'm glad that you're willing to give us another shot, though." She'd say after everything was calmed down again, taking a deep breath beforehand.

 

[Titania Djokovic]

The heavy, torturous weight pressing down on Natsume's heart vanished in an instant as Jess forgave her and even said she didn't need to feel that bad! How could anyone be so understanding? She completely missed the part about not making a scene as she let out a squeal that could shatter glass, leaping to her feet and picking Jess up in a giant hug. Wowie! She was so light! It was laughably easy to lift the girl into the air even if they were the same height and hug her close enough to rub cheeks, giggling. "Thank you, thank you, THANK YOU!! You're the bestest! Let's start again as buddies right now!!" she shouted.

There was a tap on Natsume's shoulder, and she blinked, looking to her left to see an absolutely terrified looking waitress. Natsume outdid the poor woman by a solid 8 inches, practically towering over her. "Excuse me, miss. You're disturbing the other customers. If you could please... er... keep your volume to a reasonable level, I'd be happy to take your order now." Looking bewildered for a moment, Natsume cast her eyes around as every customer who had been gawking hurried to look away. A near-giantess with apparent gorilla-like strength wasn't someone that anyone wanted to make enemies of. She glanced at Jess, who must surely have been mortified at this point, and chuckled sheepishly. "Uh... Oh! Yeah! Sorry about that, ma'am! I just got a lil' too happy to see my friend again, ya know? Could I just get some chai tea with honey? I'm on a diet and stuff right now!"

Smiling brightly, she put Jess back down and helped to return the table to its rightful place. The waitress breathed a huge sigh of relief and scurried off, glad that the situation hadn't escalated. Natsume hummed happily to herself, acting much more like "Tani" had in Terrasphere as she rocked slightly in her chair and watched Jess. She was almost like a big kid, really. For a moment, she eyed over Jess one more time before snickering softly. "That outfit's pretty cute. Guess ya been working on the fashion since I saw ya last, huh? Buuuuut I think we gotta have a hair date sometime like SUUUUUPER soon. You're not used to it being that long, are ya? There's a reason I keep mine extra mega short!" It was like nothing bad had ever happened between them from the way Natsume so naturally picked up their old threads of conversation. Some might consider it her greatest strength, but it left the possibility that it might come off as insensitive.

Tilting her head a bit, she frowned slightly and pushed on her lower lip. "So... This is gonna make me sound like an ignorant jerk, probably 'cause I am, but I... dunno much about your whole 'situation.'" Natsume did her best to avoid outing Jess in front of a whole bunch of people who had no right to know. "I even did a couple all nighters trying ta read up about it, but it still confused me a lot! Everyone seems to have a different idea about what everything means or what terms to use or... or anything!!" She sighed and hung her head. "Sorry... I did my best, but in case ya hadn't noticed, I'm kinda slow in the brainium."

 

[Juniper Lockton]

The giant hug that lifted her off the ground made her yelp cutely, freezing like a small animal being manhandled by a much bigger animal. As their cheeks rubbed together, she suddenly felt very hot and embarrassed, blushing deeply and realizing she really liked to be manhandled like she was nothing compared to her companion in size.

She'd never stopped fantasizing about her, since they'd met. This was like a dream come true, in more ways than one. As the waitress intervened, though, she was glad to be put down and for things to calm down again. She tucked into herself and curled up on the chair, trying to find comfort while her eyes tried to find anything except those exceptionally bright and warm eyes of hers.

As her outfit was complimented, she tucked a hair behind her ear and smiled softly, still unable to really look at her but giving a half-hearted attempt, "Thanks~" as small as it was, it had a hint of melody to it that reached from her core. A glimpse of a Jess that belonged, and felt good about herself in all ways.

She nodded at the idea of a hair date, "That sounds really nice. I don't really know what I'm doing." She admitted, a little embarrassed. She sipped at her drink, looking off to the side and looking exceptionally cute doing so with both hands on it and the straw in her mouth as she listened. The fact that she'd done research overnight several times tugged at her heartstrings and, staring into Natsume's eyes, she began to tear up. She was basically going through puberty and the sign that she'd gone out of her way to learn more about what it meant to be transgender really touched her heart.

Tears began to flow, and she tried and failed to stem them with a sleeve wiping them from her face, "Sorry, it's just, that's really sweet." She managed to get out between soft sniffles, giggling a little bit at the absurdity that she was crying over this like a soft, sensitive girl.

If only she knew.

She recovered slowly, but managed to get out, "I'm happy to answer any questions I can. Any time."

 

[Titania Djokovic]

Even after everything was supposedly okey-dokey between them, Jess seemed to be real closed off. She curled up on her chair and couldn't quite seem to meet Natsume's eyes. Was it 'cause there was still an absence of trust? Or... more likely... was it 'cause Jess was used to being an outcast and also one of those people that been chronically online until recently? This was like that touching grass thing they talked about before! Natsume tried her best to tone down her overbearing exuberance, but... NOPE! It was useless! Jess would just have to get used to it probably. Whoopsie!

As Natsume eagerly complimented Jess's slightly awkward but super cute choice of outfit, the girl reacted with a shy happiness that even Natsume couldn't help but notice. The gentle tuck of the hair behind her hair and that bashful, soft smile... Geez! Never one to hide her feelings about anything, Natsume blushed and blurted out exactly what she was thinking. "Oh my GOSH, you're cute. Phew! Charming my socks off over here!" she exclaimed, giggling slightly as she looked at Jess a bit more closely.

Well, ogling could at least wait until a little later, especially since the promise of a hair date was all but settled. "YESSSSS!! You're gonna be looking SO good. I'm gonna make ya the girl in Japan that everyone gets jelly over. Just you wait!" she declared, clapping her hands excitedly. Her tea arrived just in time, and Natsume took an enthusiastic sip, flinching and trying not to spray the molten hot liquid all over Jess. Yowza, that was HOT! She revealed the amount of work that her poor, lackluster brain put in to trying to understand being trans and provoked a reaction out of Jess that she never expected in a million years: She started crying.

Panicked, Natsume yelped and flailed her hands about, trying to figure out who or how or why or WHAT had happened to make this come about. No no no... Natsume did all this to make Jess STOP crying! What had she done? Was it something she said?? She was about a second away from bolting across the table and trying to hug the wrong away when Jess revealed that they were tears of joy from how "sweet" Natsume had been. The tennis player's heart did another little flip. It was doing that a LOT since she actually met Jess, and Natsume wasn't some kinda girl from those romance shows who was dumb enough to ignore what that meant. Maybe she had some soul-searching of her own to do. Was it even possible for her to like someone like...? UGH! There was that dumb narrow-minded stuff again. Natsume hated that she was still so terrible at the deepest parts of herself, despite everything she did to be more openminded.

Even then, she reached over and brushed some of Jess's tears away with the back of a hand. "Hey, hey, it's okay... Ya don't have to worry about crying in front of me! I cry all the time! Especially when I lose at tennis... Bleh!" Retrieving her handkerchief from her breast pocket, she pressed it gently into Jess's hands for her to use. The invitation to ask whatever questions she wanted made Natsume perk up. She might still be a judgy, transphobic meanie butt, but this was the first step to change that, right?? "Okay!! Ummm... So like, you're..." In a truly impressive display of restraint, she managed to lower her voice to a whisper. "You're 'trans' right? It's wrong to call ya a tranny or a uh... trans-vester? Something like that? TransvesTITE! Yeah! But like... why is it wrong? What's the difference? And how is it different from being queer??"

She gathered up some courage for the biggest and probably most judgmental question she had, but her curiosity just wouldn't let it go. "And... why? Like you were born a boy, yeah? What made ya hate it so much that ya wanted to be a girl instead? I read lotsa stories, but everyone just said stuff like 'you just know' or 'it didn't feel right.' I don't get it, I guess... I've always liked being a girl!"

 

[Juniper Lockton]

The compliment that she was cute made her blush more and she wasn't sure how to respond except for her smile becoming a little embarrassed and giggling. Wow, her heart really got to fluttering when Natsume was around. Maybe the girl was clunky, loud, and a lot, but Jess had a magnetic attraction to that kind of confidence and honesty.

She didn't really know how to respond to the promise of becoming a girl that others would be jealous of, so she just nodded in a small way. As she started to cry, Natsume panicked and flailed her arms, making Jess giggle again. Jess waved her hand to calm her down and whisk her worries away, tenderly blushing as the girl wiped her tears away for her. She sniffed and they mostly vanished, eyes still looking wet as she smiled.

Then, the conversation took a turn towards the uncomfortable topic of what it meant to be transgender, and why certain things weren't okay to say. She expected this, fortunately, mostly due to what she knew of Japanese culture and transgender people in Japan.

"Queer is just a term to describe someone outside of the cisheteronormative culture we find ourselves in. Cis is the opposite of trans, meaning that your gender aligns with the sex you were assigned at birth. Hetero, of course, means straight in terms of sexuality. Our society, both where I'm from in the US and here in Japan for you, focus on these as normal. To be queer is to not fall in line with that, no matter what flavor of queer you happen to be. When I was really little, being called queer was an insult. Now, it's something people are reclaiming as an identifier to be more inclusive." She was really in her element, on a roll in explaining all of this.

"The words transvestite and tranny are just slurs now, the latter especially used to put people like me down in hopes of sustaining that cisheteronormative culture I mentioned. It doesn't make me feel good to even hear that word, just because I've had it used against me by really mean people who want to hurt me but don't want to go to jail. Being trans is scary."

"Which brings me conveniently to your next question: I wish I wasn't trans." She let that hang for a moment, "If I could choose, I would just be a cis girl, or be happy with being a boy. But I can't. Imagine if you were still yourself, but you'd been born with a boy's body. That would feel...off, right? That's how I feel. When I have to present to the world as a boy, I feel depressed, hopeless, it's like the color in the world is just gone. But when I present as a girl, like in Terrasphere especially, I don't know how to explain it...it's like I just feel like smiling, everything feels right and I feel that there is hope for the future. Does that make sense?" She seemed a little unsure, herself, as if she was worried that she hadn't done a good job explaining it all.

 

[Titania Djokovic]

Jess didn't seem insulted or even really put off by Natsume's barrage of questions. The tennis star sat attentively, her eyes wide and focused as she rested her hands lightly between her legs. She leaned forward over the table a bit, hanging on Jess's every word. Even the chair seemed to tilt forward a bit to showcase the absolutely undivided attention Natsume wanted to convey. There were a lot of complicated words mixed in there, but Jess did a good job of dumbing it down for her. She still had a slightly perplexed look on her face, but at least she got the gist!

She flinched as Jess explained that transvestite and tranny were slurs, no different than that weird little word the Americans used for black people or when someone at a tennis event called her a... Natsume suddenly felt deeply guilty for even saying the words out loud, even if it was just to ask a question. Her head bowed in shame. Was she really this bad at this?

Jess's reasons for being trans touched Natsume on a deep level. That, more than anything else, felt like something she could understand. Discovering her own preference for girls had been a crazy journey all on its own. She could still remember how it felt when she didn't understand why she couldn't drool over the hot boy bands like her classmates or why she kept staring at Mika in PE who always wore her uniform one size too small. There was the first time a boy confessed to her and how bland it had seemed while she practically made a fool of herself in front of the entire school telling Mika, very loudly, how pretty she was. The look in Mika's eyes that time... Natsume imagined that's how she must have looked to Jess, and that just made her feel even worse.

She bit her lip for a moment before nodding and smiling brightly again. "Uh huh! Yeah! That does make sense. I-I dunno why I didn't think of it that way before. I mean, we kinda went through the same thing, except I was the bad guy this time..." Natsume giggled and wiped briefly at one eye before regaining her composure. "ANYWAY! If that's what queer means, then I'm queer too, right?? That makes us, uhhhhh, queer sisters or something! Yayyyy!" She felt happy to have a way she could connect to Jess. It made healing the wound she'd inflicted on their relationship a little bit easier. Queer sisters had a nice ring to it too!

Still, there was one more VERY VERY important thing she had to address. Turning serious for a second, Natsume frowned. "Buuuut there's just one lil' thing in there that's not so good. I know it's gonna sound super hypocritical coming from the jerk that made ya cry, but I don't ever wanna hear ya say you wish you weren't the way you are. Sure, maybe it would be easier to be a girl or a boy who was happy with how they were born, but that's just not how it is. Hatin' yourself will only make ya miserable, and you've got enough reasons to be sad with bad people like me trying to tear ya down."

Natsume put a hand on Jess's and gave it a little squeeze with a reassuring smile. "Hehe... I can't take credit for that one though. My therapist said somethin' kinda like that to me when I was going through the bad parts of figuring out I liked girls. Kinda hard to imagine, huh? That someone like me would feel like that." Her eyes darted around before settling on the table once more. "Don't hate yourself for being trans, 'kay?" she added softly, "There's nothing wrong with being yourself, even if the whole darn world is trying to tell ya otherwise."

Serious moments could never last too long with Natsume, and she snickered, giving Jess the once over with her eyes again. "Besides, you're totes a super duper cute girl. I'd kiss you!"