Discontinued Private Eastern Brisshal An Epic Beeventure

[Jefferbee Farmer]

Narrowly avoiding the thieving hands of this deranged woman, the farmer steps backwards and tucks his onion into his NBMRS&OAFGB (see post #5). Maybe it would be safe from further harm by this bandit there.

"And now we move to theft? You'd deprive a man of the fruits of his labor?"

The man, as he pulls his hand back from his bag, draws forth a very ripe tomato. It looks like he could throw it at any time. With how strange the flora has been around him, that could pose a serious threat. A threat which is absolutely disproportionate to the actions taken leading up to this point.

"You keep insisting I'm the one being unreasonable, but who is the instigator and robber here?"

 

[Luthien]

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"Do you even hear yourself when you speak, or do words just tumble out of your mouth and are immediately forgotten in that brain of yours?"

There was a scoff from the elf before she watched the man put the allium away in his bag, only for a dainty eyebrow to raise in response as the Magia now pulled what looked to be a very ripe tomato from his satchel.

"You said so yourself that you’re unable to taste—and no, your ‘mind taste buds’ don’t count buddy," She made sure to physically air quote that specific part of her speech to further get the point across. "Im merely doing you a favor by trying to prove it still tastes just as onion-y as it did before my arrow barely grazed it’s surface."

Honestly what had she done to suddenly be stuck with this weirdo of an NPC like Magia today? Already the elf had been in a foul mood due to her poor progress while practicing her bowman skills… and now she had to deal with whatever this conversation had turned into as well?

"Thats probably it, all that citric acid that you can’t even taste from gods knows how many lemons you eat through ‘Lemon Day’ must have corroded your brain away long ago…"

@Jefferbee Farmer

 

[Jefferbee Farmer]

"Yes I hear myself speak, how about you? Do you not hear yourself putting words in my mouth? When did I ever say I couldn't taste? I said this body couldn't, a very big semantic difference there! I can taste perfectly fine, this body cannot."

While the ridiculous man has been arguing a likely insane point, he has been reaching into his bag again, now producing a very ripe lemon.

"Observe!"

No more powerful of last words have ever been spoken, as the magia takes a large bite out of the lemon, rind and all. Juices ooze from the lemon, the scent of citrus fills the air.

Were this man able to taste, he would surely be in for a bad time. Luckily for everyone involved Luthien was ri-

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

A screech of pain unlike any before it resounds through the local forest. It was the shriek of a man who had experienced for the first time the truest of life's agonies. The poor magia's face was distorted, as the acid burned at his mouth. His body buckled in pain, as he finally fell silent to chew.

This pain would pass.

Finally the machine swallowed, rising back upright.

@Luthien

 

[Luthien]

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"Exaaactly! This fake ass body of yours cannot taste, so you can't prove that the stupid onion taste any different from what it normally would!"

Their conversation continued to unravel into an incoherent mess, neither side willing to give ground or try to calm down enough to understand the other's perspective, and when the Magia pulled out a large lemon next Lúthien couldn't help but roll her eyes in response before a grimace crossed her face as he straight up beat into the lemon—skin and all.

"Gosh, you're so fucking lucky you can't taste any of that shit—" The rest of the words immediately died on her throat as her hands quickly rose to cover her ears, a futile attempt at trying to keep the suddenly loud and unexpected screeching the Magia was now producing from rupturing her eardrums. "J-Just what the fuck is wrong with you now...!?"

Her eyes immediately darted to look around the area, sure that this man's scream would've probably been heard all the way in Honeyhome, as the elf attempted to confirm that nothing unsavory was suddenly attracted towards the unusual commotion. Safe as the areas around the village could be that didn't meant enemy beasts and creatures didn't pass close by on occasion...

@Jefferbee Farmer

 

[Jefferbee Farmer]

"FUCKIN' BUCKET KNUCKLES!"

An alien, and likely meaningless utterance spilled from the now recovered magia's lips; clearly he had mostly recovered.

"Why was that so sour!? God Damn! Like lemonade with negative sugar dehydrated into a damn powder! FUCK!"

The magia tries to spit on the ground, as if to somehow cleanse his pallet, but no saliva would come. It was quite possible that his body had no ability to even make saliva, making the whole attempt entirely pointless. He was however not thinking about that, no he quite obviously wasn't thinking of anything much at all, except how sour that lemon was.

He had never before tasted a lemon so sour, probably because he wasn't a weirdo who made a habit of eating straight lemons--at least not outside the game--but that is neither here nor there. It certainly tasted like a lemon though, in fact more like a lemon than he had ever before tasted. His descriptive language didn't do the utter lemony nature of the lemon justice, and likely never would; there are just some things that words cannot describe.

However, even after all this pain and suffering, there was still unfinished business. Now that he had proven that he could in fact taste, his mind being more powerful than this pitiful game, it was time to extract his apology for the damaging of his fine produce. He would also have to finish his lemon, it would be rude to the tree to waste it and it is still lemon day--regardless of his newfound hesitation to continue such a practice.

His voice, now calming a bit, was hoarse from the acid and pain, however no such thing would deter him, "I don't want to hear another peep from you about not being able to taste."

 

[Luthien]

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"What...? Of course it's going to be sour, it's a fucking lemon—wait... you could taste it?"

After the initial shock of the Magia's screech had dissipated, and the ranger felt confident enough that nothing had been lured to their direction because of it, she had turned to berate the Magia some more... until the gears in her brain finally clicked and the elf made the connection that the man had actually been able to taste after all, despite of his constant mention that this body lacked such an ability.

"Well, you're the one that said—in multiple occasions actually—that your body couldn't taste." The blonde crossed her arms in front of her chest, a pointed glare being given to the taller Magia. "That was a fucking lie though."

Either that or the man's body had decided to miraculously develop a sense of taste at the most inopportune moment for him... a form of karmic justice, perhaps?

"However now that we've established you can taste after all, you can bite that stupid onion and confirm that fucking nothing is wrong with it."

@Jefferbee Farmer

 

[Jefferbee Farmer]

"Yes, I can taste, like I've been saying the whole damn time. AND as I established already, I can't eat the onion today, because it is Lemon Day." The ludicrous man says as he takes another big bite, peel and flesh, of the lemon.

This time however, it seems he is able to contain his pain, though his face contorts in a manner so as to display the horrors within his mouth. Maybe something had surprised him last time.

He is however much faster to chew and swallow this time. Why he hadn't chewed quickly last time, when the pain was quite clearly much worse, would have to remain a mystery however. This unreasonable man would likely not reveal such a secret.

He then continues what he was saying, blatantly ignoring the words of the ranger, "now, as I was saying--before you continuously, rudely, interrupted me with accusations that I couldn't taste--you have damaged my onion and severely reduced its shelf life."

 

[Luthien]

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"Bullshit."

If anything the blonde had to admit the Magia had guts as he actually went to take a second bite of the entire lemon—though there was an urgency to quickly swallow this second bite that hadn't been present before. She also noticed how the man keenly ignored her own words regarding the situation, instead going straight back to the onion issue as Lúthien rolled her eyes so dramatically she almost feared they would get stuck to the back of her skull.

"Well that's a you issue if you can't eat it because of your stupid 'Lemon Day'," Again she added the visual air quotes to accentuate her words. "Point is that there's nothing wrong with the damn thing, so just eat it whenever the fuck you decide to."

She was done with this absurd discussion, if it could even be called that, especially considering she had managed to get her arrow back quite a while ago... why Lúthien had continued to waste her time and patience of this Magia was beyond her.

@Jefferbee Farmer

 

[Jefferbee Farmer]

"How is there nothing wrong? The way you talk about my onion, it's like you don't have onions in Mexi--where was it? Portuh Rica? Do I need to mail you some, just to illustrate my point? That this onion has been damaged to the point of changing its flavor profile before I can use it."

The magia was indignant, not because she was right--which she was--but because this strange woman had needlessly assaulted his livelihood, at least within the game. Farming was no child's play, for a man such as Jefferbee, it was a matter of life and death--though in the grand scheme of things one could say he would be right in such an assessment, for there is no man, woman, or child on this mildly misshapen, blue orb that could live without the blessings of the soil; this fact does not justify how far he is taking this in any conceivable way though.

Like the Puerto Rican elf, the magia similarly wanted to be done with this seemingly meaningless conversation. The elf was clearly far too rude to even consider the damage she had done to his poor innocent onion. Sadly, there were too many who had never even so much as tilled the soil in their lives; they did not know the value or taste of fresh produce, which would put the weeks old supermarket swill to shame. He'd probably have to spend far more of his produce making her understand what she did than he'd ever see in payment of damages for his allium.

"Actually... what am I saying? You get your food from Walmart, don't you."

It would be worth it.

 

[Luthien]

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"Look here, you little shit, it's not that hard to remember the name of my island—it's Puer-to Ri-co." She stressed each syllable to accentuate the correct pronunciation, a scowl sent in the Magia's direction. "And of course we have onions there too. Red, white, yellow—you name it we have it."

It took everything in the elf to resist walking up to the other and poking them straight in the chest as she spoke, but Lúthien was well aware by now that her patience was running really thin.

"Look, just tell me how much the fucking onion is wort—"
"Actually... what am I saying? You get your food from Walmart, don't you."
"... the fuck did you just said?"

Her eyes narrowed dangerously as a piercing glare was now tossed in the man's direction—no hesitation found even though she had to look up in order to do so.

"If you must know I get most of my things from the farmer's market, from men and women that aren't fucking sniveling babies about their onion getting a little scratch on a few layers—because they've actually grown high quality product that isn't easily devalued by something so minute as that."

@Jefferbee Farmer