18+ Private Ours Truly

[Nuwa]

.

There is a certain uneasiness in calling a place she had not felt was ever truly her own, "home". One of many uncomfortable things about the entire situation, diluted in grand measure by the knowledge that there could be a sense of safety to be savored - a sense of union, of togetherness, that flutters in her chest as the doorknob turns and there would be someone waiting. Or that she would be the one waiting, should no one be present, but that in time they would find their way home and no ill-intended touch would befall her upon their arrival.

Small things to think about in the grand scheme of things, raised holier by their absence throughout her life.

Mundane things are a novelty, a marvel to uncover with each passing day.

Would that she could forget all of these things, and more, were owed to her from the very beginning. Would that she could forget scarcity, the sinking feeling at the pit of her stomach, the want for reunion.

Jia returns earlier than usual to the deafening silence of her new home and makes a beeline for the kitchen, her backpack discarded somewhere along the path with a subtle thud. Song flows freely from lips that speak in prose and rhyme, not worries and profanity, as she sets about making herself a snack to satiate her hunger, well-deserved for the incredible feat of... Blessing everyone with her presence, of course.

The metallic ring of keys rattling against the lock, someone entering and letting out a sigh, interrupts her peace but does not deter her from purpose.

"Mrs. Liu?" Already can she hear Jie's voice scolding her, and before she attempts to call again, she steadies her voice into something sweeter. "Mom? In the kitchen! I'm making something, wash your hands first."

---

@Fuxi​

 

[Fuxi]

They'd never been a 'white picket fence' kind of family. They had never imagined it, had never dared to dream of it. And yet, as Jie drove through the- his, their- neighborhood, past innumerable cookie cutter houses with their little patches of green grass, and concrete driveways, he couldn't deny that they were living that life now. A real roof over their heads, warm food three times a day, parents who weren't gambling away their life's savings, or passed out on the floor, overdosed. No beating, no abuse.

They were a positively nuclear family. And it was the most uncomfortable sensation Jie had ever known.

Even parking on the side of the road in front of their house felt surreal. And yet, it had been years, and it had not all vanished at once. Nor torn away, or the curtains pulled back to reveal some sick joke at their expense. The Liu's had welcomed not just him, but his sister with open arms, and loved their broken selves.

They loved them back, in their own way, Jie reflected as his keys rattled against the front door as he unlocked it. Love though, was difficult for two kids who had never experienced it before. But gratefulness was something that was easy, and Jie would always be thankful to them that he could still come home and know his other half would be there.

"Mrs. Liu?" Of course Jia had never broken that habit. Jie still had to remind himself too though, to call her: "Mom? In the kitchen! I'm making something, wash your hands first."
"It's me!" Jie called back, leaving his backpack on the floor by the front door. "I'mma go take a shower," he informed his sister. He'd taken the car today to get to work after classes, which had left Jia to bus home. He'd have to make it up to her later, he knew, despite them trading off who got the car having been a normal thing for them.

When Jie stepped into the kitchen a while later, he walked in wearing a pair of sweatpants and tee shirt with his hair still damp. "Whatcha cookin'?" he asked as he walked over to the pink-haired girl to peek over her shoulder. "Gonna share?"

 

[Nuwa]

.

Her happiness goes unseen but not unfelt as she playfully groans, feigning disappointment as Jie reveals himself upon walking into the home. Lower still, though still audible for someone passing by on their way up, are giggles that expose the ill-concealed truth to the girl who is in a frantic battle against whatever she's cooking.

Part of her is disappointed that his first choice is not to come and greet her properly, with a kiss on her cheek by way of apologizing for making her walk the way home today (even if such had been their agreement). The other, more logical part of her is grateful that he does not reek of sweat by the time he joins up with her.

Were it anyone else, she would startle and in a daze of movement, create some modicum of distance - each foot between her and a stranger a limitation by which to make herself feel safe, and comfortable.

But it is her brother who creeps up behind her, her counterpart, her reflection. Jia wears a pout on her bottom lip as she angles herself to better look at him before she gives an answer, head slightly tilted aside with the weight of a thousand ideas on how to best torment him today.

"Maybe," Jia teases, the lilt of her voice growing a pitch higher in its liveliness. She had moved along in her preparations for the dessert, testing out recipes and busying her day away as a means to reward herself.

A step backward would see her slightly lean into him, the back of her head resting against his shoulder, allowing him a better view of her endeavors.

"Fried milk," she informs and her finger digs into a nearby opened container of condensed milk, which she then offers out to him. "But, obviously, I'll have to freeze it and keep preparing the rest and... Basically it'll be ready after dinner. Want me to save you some?"

"How was work today?"

---

@Fuxi ​

 

[Fuxi]

It was impossible not to hear Jia's groan, not when she was so dramatic about it all. Oh, what an ordeal she'd been through, Jie sarcastically thought, amusing himself as he rolled his eyes and kicked off his shoes before waving his sister off as he went to freshen up.

Work always left Jie's body aching, and smelling of sweat and sawdust. The warm water washing over his skin, through his hair was quick to kill off the stench, and eased his muscles, but nothing quite released the tension of his body as when he could finally hold his twin.

The only safe thing in his world.

Perhaps she knew the effect her presence had on him, her touch. Despite the teasing, mischievous look she gave him as she leaned back into him and looked up at him, it seemed like every taught, knotted muscle in his body suddenly went slack, the tightness gone in an instance.

"Fried milk," Jia explained as she held up a container of condensed milk for Jie. The boy dipped a finger into the container to taste it, quietly humming with satisfaction. "But, obviously, I'll have to freeze it and keep preparing the rest and..." Jia went on as her brother dipped his finger in again. "Basically it'll be ready after dinner. Want me to save you some?"
Instead of putting his white-capped finger to his mouth again, Jie tapped his sister on the nose, smearing the milk over the tip. "Yes," he replied with an impish grin.

Jie turned and darted away, to the otherside of the counter where he was somewhat safe from his sister's retaliation. He leaned against the counter, propping himself up on his elbows, and cleaned his finger in the sink as he answered her question. "Sucked. As usual," Jie deadpanned, the mischievous smile fading to a scowl. "I swear to fucking god, my boss couldn't tell a drill from a miter saw." Jie shut the water off and folded his arms beneath him.

"How were classes today though? The ride home?" Even though they lived in a decent part of town, Jie couldn't help but worry that something might happen again when he wasn't there to protect Jia. He tried not to give away the worry or the guilt, hide it behind the same faint smile he gave Jia now, but sometimes, he wondered if she knew that he still blamed himself for what happened, and then hoped that she didn't.

@Nuwa

 

[Nuwa]

.

Of course he doesn't budge an inch when she offers, playing the long game and instead slathering the condensed milk on her nose and dashing off before she can make heads or tails of what has just happened. Jia is left standing with a baffled expression on her face during the immediate aftermath of the childish nature of her twin, her shoulders shaking with the beginnings of laughter as she brings her finger to her mouth and licks it clean of the sweetness coating it.

Her lips press firmly together to form the thin line of her dissatisfaction, brows furrowed together in a tight knot - but her deception is given away by the immaculate shine of mischief glimmering in blue eyes. With a dangerous drawl to the syllables, as each leaves her lips, she traces a careful path around the counter, ready to pivot and turn the other way should he choose to back away. "Oh, you think you are funny..."

Her lips slathered in the mixture, she all but leaps at him, her arms around his shoulders so that she may entrap him and deny him possible escape from the consequences of his actions. Full force, she presses her lips to his cheek, and once satisfied, steps back to lick what remains on her lips.

Fully pleased with her revenge, hands on her hips in pointed victory reflected upon her expression and posture, she carries on with the conversation effortlessly: "Well, duh. He doesn't get paid for doing the actual job, just for jerking off while you slave away,"

The sudden shift in the topic of conversation does not go entirely unnoticed. If it surprises her in the slightest, she does not tell or show, rather she sags her shoulders and contemplates the space before her as if genuinely considering the day's events. In truth, however, she is mindful of the intent laced between those words. Far too long had they spent apart, torn from each other's side.

"Could've taken a snooze during one of the lectures. If I actually wanted to hear some old hag's life stories I would go fucking volunteer at a nursing home or something, but no, here we call it class." She entertains him with the mundane, attentive not to add to the invisible burden upon his shoulders, a burden not meant for one person alone.

A bad habit he needed to unlearn, the taking everything into himself when she had already come back.

"No creeps on the bus this time around. We call that a victory in my book."

---

@Fuxi ​

 

[Fuxi]

Jie couldn't help but laugh as his sister stared at him with a bewilderment on her face, mirroring the same wide-eyed look of a kitten in shock. Slowly, she began to process what had happened as Jie went on about his shitty boss, but by the time he looked up from cleaning his fingers, she had already began to move towards him. And from the devilish look in Jia's eyes, Jie knew he was in trouble. "Oh, you think you are funny..." she practically hissed, each word punctuated by another careful step. "F-funny? Me? No, n-never?" Jie nervously stuttered as he backed away from his prowling sister right into the wall beside the counter, just as she pounced on him.

"Aw, Jia, get off!" Jie complained as she pressed her milk-covered lips to his cheek. His hands on the girl's shoulders Jie pushed her away with all the strength of a wet paper towel, until she finally released him from her embrace. As Jia stood back from her now millk-smeared brother, she wore a smug look of satisfaction on her face.

Without even an apology she just went on with their conversation as if nothing had even happened, leaving Jie to wipe the condensed milk from his face with his hand. Vengeful eyes flicked up to the girl as Jie considered paying his sister back in kind and wiping his hand on her clothes, but the boy thought better of it and cleaned his hands again in the kitchen sink before pulling out a stool from beneath the counter and then kicking one out for Jia, inviting her to sit, if it didn't mean ruining the fried milk.

"Public transport gets to live another day," Jie joked as the lazily leaned into the counter. "But, the modern American school system is a relic of the Industrial Revolution and should be dismantled," Jie add waving his hand dismissively at the tired old tirade Jia had heard countless times from him by now. "Seriously though, I know it sucks, but you should at least try to pay attention. Good GPA means better job, means better monies," Jie reminded the younger. And if they got decent jobs, they would never have to worry again. Not about how they'd survive to the next day, about if they'd see each other again.

Before Jie could continue lecturing his sister on the 'value' of an American education, the front door swung open, the silhouettes of two figures standing in the doorway. "Hey, welcome home," Jie lifted a hand to the pair of figures in the door as they stepped through and took their shoes off. "I didn't know you were a horse now, Jie," the man said, a soft smile on his face as he stepped aside to let his wife put her shoes away. "Aiyah, Jie, 我告诉过你什么关于把背包放在门口的事吗?"
"Sorry, sorry," Jie said standing up and grabbing his bag to put it away, stopping to kiss his mother on the cheek.
"Something smells good in here. What are you cooking, Jia?" the older of the two women asked as she walked her voluptuous frame over to the oven. Even if no one else could see it, the woman's eyes lit up when she saw what was being cooked. "Ah, fried milk. Is this for later tonight?"
"Not trying to make your old man fat now, are you?" their father joked with a tired voice, going over to kiss his daughter on the cheek before exiting the kitchen to change into more comfortable clothing.

@Nuwa

 

[Nuwa]

.

Jia instinctively rolls her eyes at the advice of the oldest, spouting the same bit of advice she could sync her lips to by memory just because of how often she had to hear it from him. Not that it didn't hold true, and just as she was about to make some form of witty retort, their parents showed up.

Something lifted from the atmosphere that enveloped the siblings' conversations, though she could not pinpoint what.

"Had to make something sweet because someone," a pause to sweep her gaze over the assembled family members, accusatory in its every reiteration as her eyes scrutinize each of their faces in turn, "keeps eating my snacks."

Mr. Liu is a kind man, this much is a truth she's had years now to reconcile with. Affectionate to a fault, but no less strict in his parenting than their adoptive mother. Facts, truths that Jia has tried her hardest to adhere to over the years so as to not cause a rift that would see her separated from her soul's other half again, but as Mr. Liu reaches out...

Jia tenses up, expertly playing off the taut pull on her shoulders with a higher-pitched giggle than her usual, fingers twitching at her side from her not knowing what to do with them when every nerve in her body screams the need to defend herself from a terror no longer present.

"Appa!" Even more she laughs to play off her distress, with a smile that does not quite reach her eyes, tension relieved as he crosses over the threshold of the kitchen to leave.

Traditions were important to the family, something she had learned to be mildly grateful for in how it gave her life a much-needed sense of stability and normalcy. The wonders of being able to rely on the constant of one single aspect of her life remaining untouched when the rest of the week could present her with endless challenges or shenanigans.

Friday Movie Nights were the Lius way of bonding, initially forced upon her as a new member of the family, and now, another thing to appreciate. Everyone had their designated roles: picking the movie, preparing the snacks, seeing that food was seen to...

"Were you able to pick up the pizza?" She questions their mother upon seeing the lack of anything closely resembling a pizza box amongst the things they had brought back with themselves, her gaze slowly sliding towards her sibling as if to ask: did I forget something?

---

@Fuxi​

 

[Fuxi]

The air seemed to physically change as the door opened, and their parents strode the door. Not quite tension, but not quite ease either. Something in between, something unknown, without a name. A mystery unto itself, and never to be found out.

They both hid that feeling well though. Jia's eyes scanning over the middle aged couple before landing on her twin, and then scanning back. "Don't look at me," Jie shrugged. Both mother and father looked at him. "Okay, it was me." They joked, laughed, but to the boy, there was always something missing. And from the way that Jia looked at him when her eyes scanned over their family, he thought she might notice it to. She looked at him differently than when it was just the two of them.

Did he look at her differently as he walked back into the kitchen to their father kissing his daughter's cheek chastely. As her voice rose imperceptibly, her fingers moving on their own, a frantic tapping, against her leg, each other. A pained smile, only he could see, even as she called their father by that name in their own tongue. Jie's heart sank every time he watched his twin recoil and freeze. What happened he still didn't know. He thought he might never know. What he did know was that he wasn't there when it mattered. Did she forgive him for that?

"Were you able to pick up the pizza?" Mrs. Liu asked, and Jia looked towards her older brother for the answer to an unspoken question. "Ah, I forgot to grab it on the way back from work," Jie said, already moving back to his room to fish his wallet from his bag. "Sorry, mom," he apologized, the keys jingling in his hands as he headed to the door. "You gonna come?" he asked Jia as he pulled on some sandals and grabbed the door knob.

@Nuwa

 

[Nuwa]

.

Half of her used to wonder if each time her heart sunk in that endless void of perfectly crafted loneliness called home, he felt it too.

Most media will usually entertain tales of the sort - speaking of metaphysical connections over large distances, the ability to feel what one did, to sense it. Jia had well learned how to cover up a bruise with expensive make-up bought as a form of unspoken apology by the time she decided that no, he could not hear.

If he could, then why had he failed to come for her?

Then the smaller details - those he thinks she won't take notice of, when of course she does - that give a hint to the contrary appear, and she remains pensive every time. Gratitude swells in her heart knowing what he provides, but so does the familiar taste of bitterness that had clung to the roof of her mouth in his absence.

"Yeah, sure," unheard and unseen goes the attempt not to answer him in too much of a hasty manner. It is amended when the curl of her lips returns to match the teasing nature that comes intertwined in the duties of one unable to help herself in the face of an opportunity, "Someone has to make sure you don't get lost."

With half-baked apologies directed at their parents does she readily discard her apron over the counter, her project forgotten in favor of the exit her mirrored self has provided. Jia is swift, her footsteps quiet, as she slips on some outer footwear before she disappears through the threshold of the Liu's family home first - the door held by her twin.

This time, maybe, she won't be a total bitch.

"Thank you," she manages through unbecoming shaky breaths, arms circling around herself to nurse away the feeling of another's hands where Mr. Liu's had been. But it is not his problem to deal with, not his damage to fix, so the smile disappears on a softer note. "Sorry."

This time, maybe, she will be able to distinguish a bad touch from a good touch.

"Shit, it's cold. Hurry, unlock the car!"

---

@Fuxi ​

 

[Fuxi]

"Yeah, sure." The words hung in the air. Bitter. Sweet. Bittersweet, because even when Jie knew it wasn't good for either of them, he hated when they were apart. When he couldn't feel his counterpart's presence in the room, or look at her and know she was okay. But all the same, what they wanted, needed from each other, that fragile sense of safety and security was really just a poor treatment for a terminal illness. As soon as it was ripped away, they would come undone.

She passed close enough he could feel her shaking, the air around her nervously shifting, mimicking the subdued tremor of her shoulders. She apologized, barely a whisper, and Jie grit his teeth. He smiled at the Liu's, waved them good-bye and shut the door behind them.

"Shit, it's cold. Hurry, unlock the car!" Jia said, and her brother laughed. "Should've brought a jacket," he said despite every hair on his body standing on end. He should've bothered to put on sneakers, but they'd both been too eager to get away.

For what, though, Jie wondered as the car doors clicked and unlocked themselves, and he slid into the driver's seat. He knew Jia, and knew she didn't shiver from the cold. It was too late to ask about it now though. All of it. Too late to apologize, or do anything. He was the older one. Two minutes, forty-three seconds. Those two minutes and forty-three seconds meant he was supposed to protect her. But how could he do that now?

The car roared to life, and Jie turned the heat up as the radio began to play. The aux was Jia's. Always, the rule had been that shotgun DJs. Did he ask about the shaking, Jie pondered as he pulled from the driveway, and stole a glance at his twin.

"What's in the queue?" he asked instead, too afraid of what the question itself might do.

@Nuwa

 

[Nuwa]

.

"What do you think yours is for?" Immediately, she counters with a sinister little giggle of her own, sealing his fate then and there.

He gives her praises and accolades where her faults are not his to see. Her world may fall apart and his duty to protect her fail, but it is her duty as the younger of the two to ensure that the world continues spinning on its axis no matter the cost. Roles that neither of them had asked for, imposed upon them from the moment of their birth, only to be ripped clean apart for years on end.

They can't be faulted for not knowing what to do when the bond is restored after years of being made to play pretend.

The passenger princess slides all too easily into the passenger seat, her legs pulled close to her chest the second she's done fastening her seatbelt on. She could already hear the endless lectures on basic safety from either one of her parents and her twin, but her comfort could not afford to care for any of them right now.

"A classic, of course." Idle swipes at her phone to connect it to the car's stereo, which reveals the young woman's selection a bit later, followed by her cranking up the volume until the outside world is tuned out. "The Weeknd. Got any reccs yourself, or should I just set it on shuffle and see where it takes us?"

The perfect soundtrack for a small evening escapade, or to drive around town in circles should he wish it so for her distraction. Either way, a welcome reprieve from the smothering adorations of a place that could not be called home. Not yet.

"Also, don't think I forgot that you ate my snacks so I'll be taking that pizza and, uh, I guess whatever else of my choosing to make up for it. You're paying, of course."

---

@Fuxi​

 

[Fuxi]

Jie rolled his eyes at Jia's typical type of response. Of course she'd steal his jacket. And of course, he'd let her. At least the car had begun to warm by the time they'd made it to the end of the first street, and Jie had already tossed his sister his jacket.

She was too quick to act like things were normal, that nothing had unsettled her. And he was too content to allow it to happen. He looked over towards her, eyed her knees drawn into her chest, frowned, but said nothing. Even as Jia picked a song that made Jie listen closely, he said nothing.

She'd always been this way though. Never one to give a straight answer. Don't look right at her, don't listen to what she says. Always pay attention to what was around her and what she did. Tonight, it was the song. Unsubtle. But only if you knew to look. But of course he knew.

"Phone," Jie said, instead of answering with a song, gesturing with his fingers as they slowed to a stop at a corner. He'd queue up the song, hand the phone back. No crashes today. At least, none that were his fault.

Maybe this was how they were most honest with each other. Words didn't come easily to either of them. They never had. He was just like her after all, in a way that only twins were. "At least let me eat a slice. I'll take you out for more food after we eat with mom and dad, they'll kill us otherwise," Jie said as he handed the phone back. "I don't have work tomorrow, we can be out as long as we want," he added, his eyes meeting hers for only a brief moment.

@Nuwa

 

[Nuwa]

.

His jacket is tossed to the backseat and forgotten, replaced by the gentle draft of warm air blowing in from the car's heating systems. More diligent taps on her screen until they come to a stop and her phone passes hands, and in the quiet that ensues, Jia cannot feel the weight of apology lessen.

"I'm sorry."

What for?

I haven't done anything wrong.

"They are really nice, it's just... Sometimes it sneaks up on you, or maybe... I dunno." Her tongue loosens, quite unhelpful in how apprehension keeps her from fully making sense out of her feelings. "It feels like I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop."

A crumb of honesty scarcely afforded to her foster parents, if ever at all.

He didn't even have to ask for it to be willingly given up. Such was his sway, the weight of his presence.

Theirs is a realm shadowed in hidden meanings and unspoken sentiments, half-truths buried miles deep underneath appearances and the unending chase for a semblance of "normalcy" to be brought into their lives. Sometimes, usually without intention or any forethought, the illusion would crumble and at their feet would lay the scattered pieces of their world - waiting to be assembled into something new.

Her eyes slide to his long before she reaches to take her phone back from his, breath catching in her throat as she does so. "We don't have to," she begins, though amends an easily misinterpreted sentiment by adding, "unless you want. They tend to fall asleep early on, either way."

Questing for his approval, searching for the road that will give her plausible deniability, prodding even further as she reaches out a hand and their fingers brush as she takes her phone back. A small groan at his choice of song coupled with a roll of her eyes, a scoff.

"...We wouldn't be sorely missed."

---

@Fuxi​

 

[Fuxi]

"I'm sorry," she said, and Jie looked at her out of the corner of his eye as he made a turn.
'What for? I should be the one apologizing...'
"...It feels like I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop."

A silence fell between them for just a moment, and Jie looked away again, pulling his attention back to the road, searching for what to say. "I feel the same way sometimes," he said. 'No, I don't. I couldn't possibly, not the way you do.' How could he when he didn't even know what had happened in that dark stretch of time where he could barely feel anything of his second half but a gnawing anxiety in the back of his mind. "Sometimes, I wonder if I'll wake up and its just a dream." Would that be better? Worse? Would being back in the foster system, unsullied beyond what having poor excuses for parents had done to them be better? They'd have never been split apart, but the threat would loom there still. Jie's mouth dried out as the thoughts pervaded his mind again, but he forced the music in the car to fill his head and drown it out.

"I need to get out of the house for a bit," Jie replied, the sensation of her fingers brushing against his lingering like ripples in still water. He set his hand on the shift. Sometimes he felt guilty simply existing between those four walls. Guilty about everything. About his idling there when he should have searched for his sister. About what sometimes happened behind closed doors. The conversations they sometimes had with only looks, glances.

Jie ignored the groan from his twin when she looked at what he queued, and just drove on. "Besides, I need more than just pizza to live."

@Nuwa